Tuesday, January 29, 2013

10 Signs You’ve Found “The One”

Can we really find "The One"? How do we know if he or she is "The One"?

Here is a little history about my past (you might find it a little sad, however there is a reason I talk about it). So let me first tell you very quickly what happened to me when I found "The One".

Long ago, back in '96, I was living in Miami. I had just moved there after having lost my boyfriend a year ago in Madrid. He was a beautiful, smart Norwegian man. He was working and living in Madrid when we met. After a year and half together I've found out he had cancer and how little time he had in his hands. I helped him return to Oslo, since the doctors in Madrid couldn't do much for him any more. A few days later I took an airplane to see him again, I knew that was the last chance for us. A week later I got the call from his father. My love had just passed away and with him, he took my heart. Because of him I left Spain, I left my job, I left my past and I landed in Miami.

In Miami I was looking for him in every single man I came across. I was really lonely and in pain, not sure what to do or how to do it. Time went by and I was still really hurt, I didn't have much hope for the future or even to find love again. And then, bingo...! It happened again. The things I once saw in my lovely lost boyfriend, were now given to me again. I saw a young Frenchman and fell for him right away. The question was, what was it, that I was really feeling?  At that moment, I knew how possible it was to find "The One" in another eyes, in another men. This new person made me feel alive again. I also felt that I did find  "The One " one more time.

According to Dr Pat Allen we get to find a " Soul Mate " every 10 years. However, it doesn't always happen to all of us.

So, the reason I have shared my story is to get you to understand that "The One" might be around at any corner. Love might present itself to you many times, it might make you feel like you have never experienced it before. On the contrary, you might not have the chance to meet love more than once or maybe you have never met it (I hope this is not the case). In my own experience, I have found love two more times after the Frenchman. They all were so different from each other and so rich too.

Because I was lucky enough to have met "The One" on several occasions, I would like to share with you, what they have taught me and what these experiences have shown me.
What were the signs which showed me that they were  "The One".

1. Butterflies In My Stomach.
I had a feeling in my stomach - kind of a mix between ecstasy and pain, both happening at the same time. He also had it.

2. A Sense of Knowing The Person.
We shared the feeling of being at home when in each other's presence.

3. I Was Afraid Of Losing Control.
I felt lost in his company, no control of my emotions, he also felt it.

4. I Could't Function Without Him.
I could't eat, I couldn't work, I couldn't be me. I was in nirvana.

5. Our Energies Matched and Blended Easily.
I felt we were born to be together.

6. Their Wasn't Any Type Of Game Between Us.
There was just honesty of heart.

7. There Wasn't An Agenda Between Us Either.
Everything just fit together perfectly.

8. I Could Accept Him Exactly As He Was.
I was totally surrendered to his whole person. My love was totally unconditional.

9. I Could't Get Him Out Of My Heart.
Not matter how many times you find "The One" a piece of them stays with you.

10. I Didn't Need Any Promises From Him.
I have learned that the more you try to find security the less you have it. I didn't need him to promise me the moon. I had already touched it with him.

To book a Private Consultation about your Relationship or Dating issue, Please email me at elenaburnettcoach@gmail.com or visit us at www.elenaburnett.com

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Monday, January 21, 2013

The 3 Basic Elements For A Long Term Relationship

Relationships as we all know are not easy, they require a lot of work, a lot of patience and a big dose of understanding. To develop a healthy relationship, you need to surpass the many conflicts you will encounter with your partner. Some people get discouraged in the process, some others give up to soon and others just move on to the next person. Whatever direction you might choose, know that many of the conflicts you have experienced with your lover, could have been avoided to start with.

I lot of the mistakes I have made in my romantic life, were made because I didn't have enough information to know the difference between what was good or bad for me. I also didn't know what I was supposed to look for in a partner. Finally, I understand, in my own skin, what makes for a great healthy relationship between two people. Usually when we meet someone new, it is very easy to get caught up in the excitement of the moment. We feel as if what we are experiencing is going to always last, so we don't quite pay attention to the signs around us. These signs are what will determine whether or not you are a good match for each other.

If you want to really discover if your lover is the person to keep for the long run, here are the 3 basic elements you need to look for.

1. Chemistry.

Chemistry is an exchange of DNA that is activated when in the company of someone that happens to have a smell or essence that seems familiar to us. We have zero control over it. This is something, that is given to us by the Universe. The degree of the chemistry we might feel for someone may increase or decrease on the first encounters. It doesn't really take us that long to figure it out.

2. Compatibility.

Compatibly is when two people live in the same city, so they have time to experience each other in different atmospheres. Being compatible with someone, doesn't necessarily mean that you need to have the same taste for life as he does. It doesn't mean that you have to like the same things either, since you both are supposed to be different. Compatibly of character is more about finding something that you both like to do in each other's company. Let say for instance, that you both like pets, that you both love expending time with animals. Then you know that the love for pets you both have, will be one of the reasons for you to remember when difficulties in the relationship appears. The love for pets that you both have is one reason that keeps you together. If you can find more than one thing that you both share then even better.

3. Communication.

Communication is an essential part in relationships in order to keep growing together.
To Communicate effectively with your partner, is a matter of being able to express the things we want or don't want without seducing them or intimidating them into doing things our way. Communication is about understanding the other side of the coin and at the same time be able to come up to a middle ground. Communication is about being able to sacrifice for the relationship and prioritize things based on what really needs your attention in that precise moment. If you are finding yourself fighting a lot with your partner, you are not communicating with him/her in the correct way.

In a relationship you can easily have a great chemistry and be really compatible with someone but if you haven't worked out the communication part, your relationship will eventually dissolve. Your relationship won't be able to deal with the differences between the two of you. A great relationship is a combination of chemistry, compatibility and communication. Chemistry is lust, a body to body connection. Compatibility is when you like the other person, when you like the way they think, the way they are. Communication is love. When there is love between the two of you, you are willing to do your part, you are willing to do your 50% correctly. You are willing to communicate the things you want or don't want in a healthy way.

If you have chemistry and are compatible you are going to have a lot of fun together.
If you are compatible and have communication you make great friends.
If you have communication and chemistry but are not compatible, you are not going anywhere.
If you are compatible, have chemistry and communication it is a good chance for the relationship to survive in the long run.
So, ask yourself what elements do you really have in your relationship? If you take the chemistry aside, do you still have love, do you still like your honey?

Note: Some of these information is based on the Doctoral of Pat Allen (The American renown Expert in Relationship and Dating Issues and Mentor).

If you want to learn how to communicate efficiently with your partner for a better lasting relationship, I can help you. I am a certified as Educator in Communication Strategies specialist in Relationship and Dating Issues.

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

The 5 Things a Man Really Needs From His Woman.

I have been in a relationship for 13 years and in the process we have gone through a lot. I had to learn in the years together, what was important for my partner and how to be there for him in the way he needs. We had a lot of arguments but we always worked things out. There were many times I tried to leave him, thinking that maybe I could get a better guy or maybe he wasn't that special after all. I am  happy to say that he is still in my life, he is like a rock in the relationship, he gives me a lot of support and he can also be my worst enemy at times. I take the good and bad and I thank him for all he has taught me, for all he keeps teaching me with just his presence. Because of him and the many men I have worked very closed with in the past 20 years, I have come up with a short list of the 5 major things men in general really need from their women.

I hope you find them of interest and can apply them in your relationship to create a better team.

Here is what most men need from their women

1. They need you not to be a doormat.
Don't subordinate yourself to him just to make him happy, he will see your behavior as emotionally dependent on him to reciprocate back. He will feel pressure and will not open up to you.

2. They don't deal well with demands.
When a man hears a demand, he hears you being emotional and out of control. He just wants to run from you. You will only get the worst of him in those moments.

3. They will not accept your bossiness.
Men in general don't deal well with orders, they see it as if you are trying to take advantage of them or as if you are trying to break them down. It is definitely not the best approach if you want to keep him around.

4. They need some moments of privacy.
Men need a partner who can let them be moody when they need it, complain when they feel like it and have privacy when he wants it, without having their partner making it about themselves. A woman who can understand his emotional needs without seeing his struggle as a rejection of her, will have him eating out of her hands.

5. They want you to be mysterious and elusive.
A man will go the extra mile for a woman who is emotionally independent but also giving when needed. Men are intrigued by mysterious women, a woman who they don't really know everything about or they are not quite sure how will she react at times.

For more information about my work of for a private consultation about your relationship and dating issues, please email me at elenaburnettcoach@gmail.com or visit me at

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Sunday, January 13, 2013

7 Signs He's Just A Booty Call.

How many times have you thought you have finally found Prince Charming and how many other times have you realized he was just not that into you? In the many mistakes I have made in my dating life,  I can tell you one thing, most of them could have been avoided. The signs were always really visible but for whatever reason (I think I was so desperate to find love, so desperate to make it right, that I would fantasize about romance and make up things in my mind about the guy), I was going to later find out that he was just using me.
If you want to get some control of your emotions and allow yourself to see thing for what they are, here is seven signs that will help detect when he is just using you.

1. He makes plans with you at the last minute. 
I understand that being spontaneous can be a lot of fun, however it can create a lot of chaos. If he was really interested in seeing you he would have planned ahead with you.

2. He only wants to see you in private.
Forget about going out in public places, he is too busy to do that with you.

3. He calls you late at night to come over.
He will play the sweet drunk guy and call you late in the night to play his luck.

4. You will hear from him once in a while. 
He will call you or text you when it is convenient for him. He will call you when he is in the area passing by.

5. He will lie about a possible future.
To get you keep on giving yourself to him, he will promise you a thousand things but he won't deliver.

I personally have gone through all these 5 signs with some men in my past. It took me time to realize what the whole thing was all about and how little I loved myself. Today I can finally laugh about it.

For a Private Consultation about your relationship and dating issues email me at elenaburnettcoach@gmail.com ,

Elena Burnett
Relationship Coaching/ Expert For Women.

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Friday, January 11, 2013

10 Reasons For Not Having An Affair With a Married Man

I had a dream last night with a beautiful stranger with whom I had a great connection. The truth is that it feels so real that for a moment I thought I was having an affair. It took me 30 minutes to realize what was going on!

This dream actually took me back to 6 years ago, to a time when I had an affair. I had a partner (the same one I have today), however I never thought it was an affair. The truth is that myself and the other man both had a life apart from each other - we both were in very serious long term relationships. 
This new person was younger than me, much younger. I won't give a lot of details about him for respect of his privacy. The affair didn't really last but the damage did and when he left I had to deal with the mess...
I don't regret any mistakes i have made in my past. Things happen for a reason. Today, I will think twice before putting myself in a situation like that again. It is just not worth it.

Because of my own experiences, studies and research, I decided to share with you 10 reasons I have found for NOT putting yourself in the same situation I did.

1. He will just move on.
An affair doesn't mean as much for a man at it does for a woman.

2. He will keep you a secret.
To protect himself from being caught, he will make sure not to have any proof of your existence.

3. He won't take you in public.
In case someone sees him.

4. He will make you feel like a princess.
Just to get laid.

5. He will brag about you as if you were a trophy.
To boost his self esteem and make him look good around his friends.

6. He will make no promises even though he did work hard to seduce you.
He will play the cool guy, as if nothing has really happen.

7. He will try to buy you, in order to keep you quiet. 
You might hear a phrases like "Is there anything i can do for you?". Really??? After having played with my feelings, that is all you can do. That is a good one.

8. He will tell you all the things you want to hear.
He will talk a lot about feelings however his actions will not follow.

9. He will go back to his partner as if nothing happen.
You will be just a flame for him. Nothing more.

10. He will never contact you again.
Only if he is in town and he has nothing more to do.

If you are still thinking about having an affair after reading my 10 reasons for not doing it,  think twice - it is not worth it. What you have with your partner, this new person will never be able to offer you. The new person, is just that... new, unknown, exciting. Sooner of later the flame will dissipate in him.  Don't waste your time, don't put your heart in a situation that is not going anywhere. Don't let him seduce you to get his needs meet.

For Private Consultation about your relationship or dating issues, please email me at elenaburnettcoach@gmail.com

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Monday, January 7, 2013

10 Deadly Dating Mistakes

I have been single on many occasions and I have tried to approach the dating arena in many different ways. With some men, it was ok to be the assertive one and with others there was no question about it, he was in the lead.

Men come in many different packages but it is important to know, as a woman, the way in which you would like to mate. Are you looking for a masculine leading man or are you more interested in a passive, creative and easy going man?  Both types of men are acceptable, as long as you are aware of the type of men you are attracting and why (I will talk more about this subject in another blog). Whether you choose to do all the work and go after the guy of your dreams or you just sit back and let him come your way, here are 10 things you must avoid when going out with men in general.

1. Don't Tell Him What Restaurant or Place To Go. 
Let him do the work and just follow his direction.

2. Don't Boss The Servers Around.
Let him know what you need and let him take care of you.

3. Don't Compete with Him When He Is Advertising.
Let him brag about his accomplishments. He is not interested in how smart you are, yet.

4. Don't Start Sharing Yourself By Being Critical About Other People.
If you are going to share yourself, do it in a constructive way, otherwise you will turn him off.

5. Don't Talk about Exes or Other Men.
Some women love to brag about exes or guys to make themselves sound popular, to make themselves be seen as very desirable. Big mistake.

6. Don't Brag About How Much Money You Make or How Important Your Position Is.
If you sound too independent and self sufficient he will not see you as a feminine woman who can be vulnerable around him.

7. Don't Ask Him Too Many Questions.
Let him be the interviewer.

8. Don't Reach Out To Pay Half Of The Bill.
He is the one taking you out, let him do his work.

9. Don't Ask Him When You Will See Him Again.
You have just met him, if he doesn't call you back, move on.

10. Don't Feel Like You Owe Him Something, Because He Took You Out.
A simple "Thanks" will do.

I have made most of these mistakes with some of my dates in the past. Now I understand I was coming on too strong. It is easy to be judged by others, especially if we don't know the other person so well, that is why we need to try our best not to give the wrong impression when meeting someone new. We won't have another chance.

Reread these 10 mistakes and think for a moment if it is possible that you might be doing some of them. Think how important or how much you care to see this new person and whether or not you are willing to do your 50% correctly. If that is the case, memorize these easy steps and you will get better results in your dating life.

For Private Consultation about your Dating and Relationship Issues, please email me at elenaburnettcoach@gmail.com or visit me at www.lovelifesolutions.com.
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