The 3 Mistakes Of Living Together

I would like to address some of the reasons why it is not a good idea to move in with your guy. It doesn't really matter whether you have just met your guy or whether you have been together for a long time, moving with him can not always work in your favor.

Here is a couple of things for you to keep in mind, before you take the step to move in with him. 

1. The Chemistry And Mystery Will Go, Down The Road. 

It's one thing for you to stay over his place once in a while and another thing to move all your stuff into his house. Having to share the same place can create friction between the two of you, since you might not like the way he does things. When you have your own place, you know that when you are together you are going to share great quality time. You know you both want to see each other and you both want to make the effort. When you move in with your guy, it is very easy to take the other person for grounded. It is also very easy to let yourself go, because part of the mystery dies as we choose to share the same space 24 hour a day. 

2. Men Love Challenges, Men Love Conquering...

I know for some women, living together with a man might mean having the guy just for them, having him committed to yourself and being exclusive to you. Well, I wish I could say that is the case. Unfortunately, in most cases, the truth is that they will get bored with having it given to them that easy. Men lose a lot of interest when things are being given to them without them having to work for it. They know how important is it to work hard for what they want, they know that in order to get to the top of the world, they need to deserve to be there. They know they need to constantly have to prove how valuable they really are. 

3. Your Sex Life Will Also Change

When you share the same place with your guy, in the first few years you both are going to be very excited with each other. You are going to have a lot of fun since everything between the two of you is new. With time, the chemistry you felt in the first place will start to dissipate. The reason why the chemistry can easily disappear, is because part of the mystery of not knowing everything about the other person is now all revealed.  The more comfortable he gets around you, the more attached he will become and the less appealing it will be for him to want to have sex with you. He will start seeing you in a different light. You will become more like a mother figure to him. He will start questioning his virility. He will want to get some external validation since at home everything is already being set. 

I am not saying this is what happen to all couples, If you are smart enough to create some distance while living with your partner, then you might survive and keep your relationship and the flame in the long term. 

Some people think that living together and having different schedules would create the distance they need from their partners. The truth is that the distance you actually need to create with your partner is something you need to do while sharing same space. Not when away doing your own things. How are you going to do it? I can help you out. I can show you the right tools that will help you keep the love and fire in your relationship. 

For more information please email me at elenaburnettcoach@gmail.com
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Private Consultations are available on Skype.

Love. 

The Secret To Keep The " Chemistry " Alive.

In my own experience, with the men in my life, I have learned that chemistry comes in different packages. I have met some men with whom I had great chemistry with in the first few minutes, to find out later on that they were just narcissistic, with some others the chemistry wasn't that intense however they had a bigger impact on me. In the long run, I know that chemistry can also deteriorate in the relationship, if we don't treat it properly.

Chemistry as most of us have experienced in our lives, is something that takes us over when it happens between two people, we feel as if we're in nirvana. The effect that it produces in us, can be easily compared with that of cocaine. Chemistry creates addiction, where we long for the person who has created or activated the arousing feeling in us. We long for the high.

The curious thing about chemistry is that we either have it or we don't. It is not something we can fabricate. Most of the time, chemistry will happen when we are around someone who happens to smell a little bit like mommy or daddy. I know it sounds weird, but it really makes sense, since the first people we get in contact with in our first years of life is our caregivers. This is why chemistry is so important in the first few minutes of interaction. Men usually are better at picking up on energy than women are. For women, it can take us few days before we can actually know that the chemistry was there. Once the chemistry has been recognized, it something that keeps growing between the people involved - the next step is to make sure we don't damage it. You see, chemistry doesn't really last forever, the Universe gives us a free ride that last about three years. Then if we haven't worked out the communication part of the relationship, we will probably start finding faults in everything the other person does.

Keeping the chemistry alive it is matter of knowing what you are doing, it is knowing that if you consummate the relationship too fast, you will kill the process of growing together. Moving with your partner will also kill romance in the long term. If you are already living with your sweetheart, there are a few things you could do in order to keep the flame. For more information, private consultation are now available, email me at elenaburnettcoach@sbcglobal.net and remember even though people think that chemistry is all they need. I will need to insist on the communication part as an important ingredient for a long lasting relationship.

Love u.

Ps and Remember "Knowledge is Power "

For more info visit me at https://www.facebook.com/Elenaburnettcoach
or email me for a Private Consultation about your Relationship or Dating issues at elenaburnettcoach@gmail.com

The 6 Secrets Men Keep Away From Women

Men in general are not so different from women, they also want to be loved and understood. However, society has always played a big role in how women and men are supposed to be or act.

From a young age, little boys get mixed messages. They are encouraged on one side to compete, to excel, to win and at the same time we want them to not show any type of aggression when around family members, work, or in public places. These young boys are rewarded when they are performing according to our standards and put down when they show any type of emotion. Emotions are then seen as a weakness of character, something that can't be shared with others. When these boys turn into men, we find out that many of them don't really know how to relate to their women. They either treat their woman as a mother figure or they directly ignore her needs completely.

To help a man to come out of his cave, he needs to feel safe.  However, even though many women complain about their man not being able to share his feelings, most women are not really ready for the truth. The truth is that you might not like him sharing and that his sincerity of heart might push you away.

So here are the major areas in which men keep secrets.

1. Their need for their father's love and admiration.
Men in general really need their father's validation so they can be free to love unconditionally.

2. Their desire for friendship and support from other men.
Men need male friends, someone to connect with and open up to when things gets rough, someone they can count on.

3. Their attachment to their jobs as their ultimate goal. 
Many men will lose themselves in their job; their jobs can easily became their identity.

4. Their real truth about their dependency on women. 
Most men have an unresolved attachment issue that started up with their mothers. This is something they will need to face in order to have a better relationship with their women in their life.

5. Their anger toward women.
Men can easily develop anger toward women for having to be responsible for them in exchange for sex and support. This is something they will keep hiding within themselves.

6. Men's denial of their right to feel uncertain, fearful or hurt.
When in pain men will show their feelings with madness and anger instead of talking directly about what is that they are feeling.

This information is based on research, studies and my own experiences from men with whom I have personally helped and discussed this.

For Private Consultation about your personal issues in dating and /or your relationship, email me at elenaburnettcoach@gmail.com. My web will be going through some changes in the next few months.or visit me at https://www.facebook.com/Elenaburnettcoach

Thank you all. 

Stay Connected for more!

5 Ways in Which Men Express Love

Men have their own way of expressing love and sometimes it is kind of hard for women to read the signs because we are more used to their seductive words than we are looking at their actions.

Today I will share the 5 basic signs you will need to look for in your man, to determine whether or not he is showing you love.


Here is how he will approach love

1. He will tell you how much he cares about you. 
A man is more comfortable telling you how much he cares for you than he is saying "I love you". It is not that he won't say it, it is just that you will hear him more using this other approach.

2. He will want to help you out when in need. 
Men love to be needed, however you can't abuse his generosity by asking for too much help all at once. He will feel as if you are trying to take advantage of him or trying to control him. So be careful, just ask in little doses.

3. He will want you to be part of his everyday life. 
He will make sure to include you in his plans, he will want to show you to the world.

4. He will make time for the relationship.
His relationship with you will be a huge part of his life. He won't have excuses about how he needs to structure his time to see you. He will just show his love for you with his actions.

5. He will want to protect you. 
A man in love, is a man that will want to become your savior. He will want you to feel secure around him, he will want to give you anything you want, just to see you smile around him. He will bring the moon to your feet if needed. He will not let you go that easy.

A man in love, is a man that loses his rationality to became emotionally vulnerable to you. If he can't be vulnerable to your needs, you probably don't have his heart. You might just have his penis.


For Relationship or Dating issues or tools , Private Consultations with me are now available through Skype. For more information, visit me https://www.facebook.com/Elenaburnettcoach email me at elenaburnettcoach@gmail.com

The Reason Why Men Are Afraid Of Commitment?

Hello World,

I will like to share with all of you, a delicate subject related with men and commitment.

I am currently helping a friend of mine who is having trouble with her man. Now, because of her situation with him and even though at the moment they are not together, he is still in her heart and she would like to have him back. Because of her, today I would like to address this giant problem most men have about commitment. Why do they fear commitment? And what is the real reason behind it?

Most men in general have been brought up with a father figure that was either absent or emotionally unavailable. Many young men have the urgent need to feel approved and validated by their fathers - they want to measure up to their father's expectations. When they were not able to fulfill their father's requests, love was then withdraw was a way of punishment. These boys will later on in life, associate emotional distance with love, they will recreate the same type of environment where they will withdraw in order to get their way, in order to manipulate the outcome. They will also be afraid of closeness for fear of being rejected again. In the boy's mind love is something that is conditional. Love becomes something that can only be given when the other person works for it, when the other person deserves it, according to his standards.

Deep down, what he is really looking for, is his fathers validation. Once he finally gets the approval he needs from his father, he will be open to love without restrictions. Then commitment won't be such a big deal for him. Getting close to someone will not necessarily mean weakness or the loss of his independency. He will not need to have to prove his masculinity with thousands of women, he will know within himself that it is ok to be vulnerable with one woman without losing his identity. He will learn that love means closeness.

For more information about my work, stay connected to my blog or email me at elenaburnettcoach@gmail.com. or https://www.facebook.com/Elenaburnettcoach

My website is going to some positive changes so please be patient. 

Love u all.

The Secret To A Healthy Long Term Relationship

Relationships as we all know, are not easy, they usually take time to build and we don't really ever  have any type of guarantee that they will last.  A lot of people confuse the terms "relationship" as being intimate with someone and also what "intimacy" really means.
You can be in a relationship with a man and have no intimacy with him. Intimacy doesn't mean having sex with a regular partner. Intimacy means showing your heart to the other person. In order to show your heart you need to be vulnerable to expose your thoughts, your fears, your worries, your hidden secrets - in other words being able to be the real you. Most people are really afraid of it, for fear of being rejected, fearing to be seen in a different light. People will masquerade themselves behind an unreal facade just to protect themselves. Relationships then, end up in separation, divorce, affairs, etc.

To build a healthy relationship means work, means commitment, means responsibility for the people involved as a team. You see, in a relationship there is always three people, there is the two of you and the relationship. Everything we do, every sacrifice we make, we do it for the relationship. When we commit with the relationship and we keep our agreements, we are showing to our partner what real love is. In the process of growing together us a couple, there is going to be some disagreement, some frustrations, some difficult moments. These difficulties are there in order for us to learn to be able to adjust and correct things within the relationship. To do this, we must learn how to communicate with our partner in an efficient way, to avoid more friction. This is not an easy task.
The right way to do it, is to wait for things to calm down and then ask your partner sometime during the day, to discuss some important and delicate matters related to the relationship. Don't go to sleep, without having resolved your conflicts with your honey.
When the time is right, you will then need to be able to let your partner know what it is that you want or don't want in the relationship, at the same time you will also need to allow room for him to express himself too and then come to a middle ground together.

A lot of couple, want to think they have good communication in the relationship until they are confronted with a conflict,  then all you hear them do is intimidate and seduce each other into getting their ways first. The Relationship then becomes a power struggle, where they both want to be heard, they both want to lead, they both want to be understood and nothing really gets to be resolved.

The first thing you need to do when in disagreement with your partner , is to think how important it is for you to be right. If his approach is not something you would like to take in consideration, you don't need to fight back, you don't need to defend your position, all you need to do is ask him for another suggestion since the one he gave you is not really working for you. Let him know that you are open to other approaches in order to resolve the conflict. If this is not working for you then you are probably coming on too strong. Trust me, I also make that same mistake when I become emotional with my guy and I overreact, I sometimes just can't help it. Then after the fight is over, I will feel really bad about it. What I have learned about conflicts is that you are not always going to get it right but at least if you can control your impulses in the moment, you will be getting better results.
If you could for instant "Just think before you act, instead of reacting and then thinking" he would be mesmerized by your rationality. He will see you as an equal, someone that is able to control your emotions and be totally rational in the middle of chaos.

For Private Consultation about your situation, email me at elenaburnettcoach@gmail.com. I am a Certified Relationship and Dating Educator, with more than 15 years working with men. Learning from men.

Love u all.
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Addictions and CoDependency in the Relationship.

Men - Addictions and /or bad Habits .

How many of you girls have been dating or are in a relationship with a man that has some type of addiction? In my case I have dated some quite interesting ones. I remember going out with a guy who at the beginning seemed perfectly fine. Until I went to his house for a dinner with his sister (who was his roommate at the time). Of course he took me there for two reasons, one he was looking for his sisters validation and two, well I am sure you already know that one...
He was a chef, a pretty good one and he wanted to impress me with his cooking. So I gave him the complements he was fishing for. However I did realize that my validation didn't seem to be enough for him. He started acting out in weird ways. His sister was constantly excusing his behavior but I knew right there that something wasn't right. Later on in the "relationship" I found out that he had a major problem with alcohol and of course, women. I learn in our short time together that he only cared about his own feelings, his own problems and worries. He did not ever want to be there for me or even hear my pain. The good news is that I left him, it wasn't easy because I was already bonded to him. Yes, you are right... I bonded with the wrong guy, a mistake I had to make at that time.

The reason why I have shared this history with you, is because I want to remind you that there is always signs from the beginning in a relationship. Men will always tell you in the first 30 minutes of knowing you, what they are all about. If we miss the signs I can guarantee you that we will pay the price in the long run.

Now, lets say for instance that you happen to be dating a guy that has an addiction. Having an addiction means that, he has a relationship with that addiction. His addiction is his best friend. His  addiction has became his most important priority and without it, he can't function. His brain craves the addiction. Addictions also come in pairs, where there is an addiction there is always some other ones clustered with it. In other words, addictions are also linked with sex, porn, compulsive masturbation, gambling, strip bars,  etc.

When a person becomes addicted to mind-altering drugs, it is because they are looking for some  validation and to also escape from pain. Pain that he or she is carrying from disappointments, frustrations, etc. A person with an addiction, is a person that doesn't want to face reality, the reality of the up and down of life. He or she wants to stay in their fantasy world where rejections doesn't really exist. The addiction gives to the person the impression of always being there for him/her when no one else is. The addiction became their companion. They both are pretty much facing the world together. Without the addiction, the person feels naked, no place to go, no place to be.

These types of people need a lot of attention, a lot of reassurance and lot of love. It is all about them. Now, you as a woman need to come to terms with it, if this is something you want for you. You see, a man under any type of addiction loses his rationality and he becomes more feelings centered. He wants to be taken care of, he wants you to be his savior, his mother, his lover, his best friend, etc. However they will not be there for you when you need them because they can't be. The guy you are dating is not the real person, he is not in his real mind set. He is helpless.
Women who date these types of men, are also damaging themselves. Nature didn't make women to be masculine and act as the protector of the relationship. Most women that are adopting this role, end up suffering some type of sickness. The body will show the signs sooner or later.

So what is the solution? There is a way to change the whole scenario, however you won't avoid the pain of going through the process. You can either confront your partner in a healthy way, however you will need to know how to do this or stay in the relationship until the pain to stay is bigger than the pain to leave. Whether you decide to stay or to leave in both cases the pain is guaranteed. I really never advise to leave the relationship, I always recommend for the people involved to work the conflict within the relationship. Remember, if your partner has an addiction and you are with him, you are probably codependent too. Being in a relationship with someone who has an addiction made them being dependable on your emotional support, something that can actually give you a sense of power to begin with. So my question to you will be, are you ready to make the right changes to break the cycle you are in? Take time to think about it, because it is not an easy task to do. I can guarantee you, that as you make the proper changes, he will have to grow with you or the relationship will dissolve by itself.

You see, the guy you have got as I said before is not the real him. So if he cleans up his act you might not even like who he really is. At the same time, it might even happen to him too. So again, think about what is it that you want or don't want and take some positive action.

If you want to learn how to confront your partner in a healthy way, I can help you. Private consultations are now available on Skype and remember " Knowledge is Power "

Love you all.

elenaburnettcoach@gmail.com
https://www.facebook.com/Elenaburnettcoach

When Things Move Too Fast.

How many times have you started dating a guy you really like and suddenly everything starts going too fast? How do you know when it's time to slow things down?

Men come in different styles. There are men who likes to hunt and men who want to be hunted. They both are acceptable, it is just a matter of what feel right for you. Today I am going to talk about the guys that want to go after what they want. This type of man operates from their masculine side. They want to lead, they want to control, they want to conquer and compete. A man like this likes to take risks. He sees something he likes and he goes after it. They know that in order to get their needs met, in order to gratify themselves, they will have to act really quickly with women. You see, men can also be emotional when it comes to romance and the reason why is because in order to avoid getting hurt by being rejected, a man in his masculine energy will first see a woman as a sex object if what he wants is to just get laid. He knows that by doing this, he will have to act out as fast as possible to get his way. The faster he gets to convince her of his interest by telling her all the things he would do for her,  the easier the chance for him to score. If he misses the chance to act quickly, he knows he will have to face rejection - something men are not good at dealing with.

Women in general, especially young one, need to understand that men are performers by nature. They see everything as a big competition and their bodies are made to penetrate things, it is not that they mean bad to us. It is just that they can't help it. It is a woman's job to elevate a man's consciousness from his instinctive nature to his spiritual level. Most men are not as in touch with their bodies as women are. For a man, their bodies are an instrument they use to fulfill some needs. When they are hungry they eat, when they are tired they sleep and when they want to release stress, they have sex. Nothing more.
If what you want as a woman is to make love and also have sex with a man, you will need to learn how to put on breaks, when he comes too fast on you. If you don't stop him he will run the show as he pleases and then leave you with empty hands.

A couple of things you could do when he starts playing his cards with you, meaning coming on too strong. Let's say for instance that you went on a date with a guy and right after, he starts texting you with consistency. What could you do about it? I always recommend to answer his text, just to be respectful. However, if he keeps pushing his way, don't just keep playing his game. Just breathe and let 3 days go by. Let the excitement he has created in you go down, so you can think with your head instead of reacting from your emotions. Remember, when it comes to romance you need to control your emotions  so he can't see your weakness. When a man is trying to create a reaction in you, he is just looking to see how to get you wrapped around his finger. If he gets his way first before you get to elevate his consciousness the game is over. He wins.

One thing I have learned about men is that they will never between them reveal anything that might be used against them in the future. They will not talk about their personal stuff or pain if it is not with a much older man who can act as a mentor. With that in mind, it is important that women remember to keep their emotions in place, in order not to reveal their weak points to a man when he is playing games with you. I am not saying not to be vulnerable, I am not encouraging that, however what I do recommend is for you to be rational when he is trying to make you his sex object.

Talk to you soon and remember " Knowledge is Power".

For Private Consultation about your Dating or Relationship Issues, email me at elenaburnettcoach@gmail.com or visit me athttps://www.facebook.com/Elenaburnettcoach
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