Wednesday, February 13, 2013

4 Ways In Which To Deal With Your Guy's Short Coming?

When we talk about men and women in relationships we are talking about energy, both having feminine and masculine aspects within themselves. In every relationship then, there are four distinct sides interacting.  Some men are more comfortable in their creative, feeling side and others, more comfortable in their logical, rational side.  No matter which energy you happen to gravitate towards, they are both acceptable as long as you are clear in which you is doing the mating. These energies are not based in gender or sexual proclivity.  Just because a man is more comfortable being in his passive, feminine side doesn't make him gay.

You can also find men who fluctuate back and forth between being very creative and very logical.   This group is called the "Alpha ". They think and feel at the same time. Any of these three type of men I have mentioned above are all perfectly fine and acceptable. The point is that you as a woman will need to know what type of man it is that you are dealing with. The more your energy compliments your partner's, the better chance you have to avoid unnecessary conflict.

In the States for example, we can easily find more "Beta" men than we will find in countries as Spain, Italy or Greece where men are born more alpha.

Let me go one step back and explain what an alpha or beta person is. An alpha man is a man who will feel and think as he wishes. He will play both roles depending on the situation.
A beta man is a man who will either be only in his feeling mind or be only logical mind. He is just one track and lacks the ability to freely go back and forth. We find this type of men in the Anglo-Saxon culture.

The men I am going to talk about today are the men who are overly masculine in their energy. However, I want to make clear that being in your masculine side doesn't make you more of a man. It can actually making you more rigid, stubborn and hard to deal with. When a man is not really balanced within his two energies, meaning the feminine and masculine aspect of his essence, he can be very short in his approach. If you are dating or are in a relationship with this type of men, you will need to know a couple of things about him so you can better deal with his personality.

The 4 Signs To Look For.

a) He Just Wants To Be Right,
A man in his masculine energy will not accept your comments or suggestions. He just wants you to be passive and listen to him. Let him get his point across and then move on. If you don't move on, he will keep escalating.

b) Understand and Validate His Frustration,
If you can just agree with what he is feeling, he will probably let it go and move on.

c) He Becomes To Difficult To Talk To,
Leave him alone to deal with his moods. Don't engage, just go for a 30 minute walk. That will do.

d) Don't Take It Personal,
If he is not being disrespectful with you, don't take on his problems and make them yours.

You don't need to be a doormat when he becomes competitive nor do you need to match his level of competition.  All you need to do is to let him come down on his own.  If you choose to face him, you will feed him and he will have the perfect excuse to keep going on. Understand that at the moment he becomes difficult he is not in his mind.  Rather he is just feeling his feeling, then reacting and then thinking instead of feeling his feeling, then thinking what he wants or doesn't want and then responding.

If he has a 51% worth to you even on a bad day, keep him. Love doesn't come easy. Think if you can accept his behavior today or if you would rather reject it. However, don't tolerate.  Don't go back and forth between accepting and rejecting him.  Make up your mind.  If you ruminate on your decision you will release cortisol in your system and damage yourself.

These 4 steps are easy to follow and are just some of the things you can do to avoid confronting your partner. If you want to learn how to express yourself in a non-threatening way and coming to terms with what you are willing to accept or reject about his behavior, I can show you the way.

For Private Consultation Please email me at
or visit me at


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Sunday, February 3, 2013

3 Signs to Detect When He is Being Too Controling?

Ok so lets face it, men in general can be very controlling. I know for some women, this can be very annoying. However even if as a woman, you would like to adopt the feminine role in the relationship (which means you will decide to be passive, vulnerable and receptive), there are things about men that can be acceptable to put up with and some that need to be renegotiated with them.

First I would like to explain why men like to control and how they do it. Then I will share with you when enough is enough - when he is becoming too controlling. 

Let's go back to the question of why men love to be in control of their environment. Well, the truth is, that most men think of themselves as always being right, as always having the best approach in life, as always doing things right. However, when two men are having a conversation, they don't usually interrupt each other because that means that a change in the conversation is required, which is not their objective. Men like to listen to each other so they can hear the weak point of his opponent. For a man, there is not such a thing as a conversation because they see everything as one big competition.
However, men will interrupt women when they talk, for just one reason - to control the conversation. It is really hard for a woman to talk to a man or have a conversation with them without feeling frustrated. Most men are usually trying to fix or solve something we might have said. When we women talk, we just want our partners's ears to listen to our concern, without having him try to control or solve our issues. We women are just looking to release our stress by talking out loud.

Men can also be very protective of those they love and can show they care for us in a bit of a negative way, in my opinion. They sometimes don't even take into consideration our point of view to start with.

When a man gets to the point that he is taking over your existence, in other words you feel that you are losing your identity because things are only done his way, then don't wait for the situation to escalate. Don't confront him either. Wait for the right moment, to let him know in a respectful way that even though he has the right to be himself, you don't appreciate his behavior. Be specific with your concern, get to the point and don't become emotional about it. Don't nag either.

So here is the signs you need to look for, when he is being too controlling. 

1. You have lost your identity around him.
He decides everything for the two of you.

2. Conversations between the two of you only happen when he decides he wants to share things.
He is not willing to listen to your pain or to your worries, etc. He wants you to remain in silence around him.

3. He wants you to be available for him at all time.
Forget if you have needs too. It is all about him.

Remember one thing girls, I don't think there is anything wrong with a man being controlling since that is their nature, what I think is wrong is when you lose yourself just to make him happy. When you stop being you, to become him, it is just not appealing for a man. You don't need to fight, you don't have be disrespectful with him either. However, the point is to be clear as a woman what your needs are first so you don't need to justify why your situation got out of hand. A relationship is the totality of two individuals with their own autonomy that have decided to become a team, where they are both growing together through the adversity of life. 

To book a Private Consultation about you relationship or dating issues. Email me at or visit me at

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