You can be in a relationship with a man and have no intimacy with him. Intimacy doesn't mean having sex with a regular partner. Intimacy means showing your heart to the other person. In order to show your heart you need to be vulnerable to expose your thoughts, your fears, your worries, your hidden secrets - in other words being able to be the real you. Most people are really afraid of it, for fear of being rejected, fearing to be seen in a different light. People will masquerade themselves behind an unreal facade just to protect themselves. Relationships then, end up in separation, divorce, affairs, etc.
To build a healthy relationship means work, means commitment, means responsibility for the people involved as a team. You see, in a relationship there is always three people, there is the two of you and the relationship. Everything we do, every sacrifice we make, we do it for the relationship. When we commit with the relationship and we keep our agreements, we are showing to our partner what real love is. In the process of growing together us a couple, there is going to be some disagreement, some frustrations, some difficult moments. These difficulties are there in order for us to learn to be able to adjust and correct things within the relationship. To do this, we must learn how to communicate with our partner in an efficient way, to avoid more friction. This is not an easy task.
The right way to do it, is to wait for things to calm down and then ask your partner sometime during the day, to discuss some important and delicate matters related to the relationship. Don't go to sleep, without having resolved your conflicts with your honey.
When the time is right, you will then need to be able to let your partner know what it is that you want or don't want in the relationship, at the same time you will also need to allow room for him to express himself too and then come to a middle ground together.
A lot of couple, want to think they have good communication in the relationship until they are confronted with a conflict, then all you hear them do is intimidate and seduce each other into getting their ways first. The Relationship then becomes a power struggle, where they both want to be heard, they both want to lead, they both want to be understood and nothing really gets to be resolved.
The first thing you need to do when in disagreement with your partner , is to think how important it is for you to be right. If his approach is not something you would like to take in consideration, you don't need to fight back, you don't need to defend your position, all you need to do is ask him for another suggestion since the one he gave you is not really working for you. Let him know that you are open to other approaches in order to resolve the conflict. If this is not working for you then you are probably coming on too strong. Trust me, I also make that same mistake when I become emotional with my guy and I overreact, I sometimes just can't help it. Then after the fight is over, I will feel really bad about it. What I have learned about conflicts is that you are not always going to get it right but at least if you can control your impulses in the moment, you will be getting better results.
If you could for instant "Just think before you act, instead of reacting and then thinking" he would be mesmerized by your rationality. He will see you as an equal, someone that is able to control your emotions and be totally rational in the middle of chaos.
For Private Consultation about your situation, email me at elenaburnettcoach@gmail.com. I am a Certified Relationship and Dating Educator, with more than 15 years working with men. Learning from men.
Love u all.
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