The Reason Why Men Are Afraid Of Commitment?

Hello World,

I will like to share with all of you, a delicate subject related with men and commitment.

I am currently helping a friend of mine who is having trouble with her man. Now, because of her situation with him and even though at the moment they are not together, he is still in her heart and she would like to have him back. Because of her, today I would like to address this giant problem most men have about commitment. Why do they fear commitment? And what is the real reason behind it?

Most men in general have been brought up with a father figure that was either absent or emotionally unavailable. Many young men have the urgent need to feel approved and validated by their fathers - they want to measure up to their father's expectations. When they were not able to fulfill their father's requests, love was then withdraw was a way of punishment. These boys will later on in life, associate emotional distance with love, they will recreate the same type of environment where they will withdraw in order to get their way, in order to manipulate the outcome. They will also be afraid of closeness for fear of being rejected again. In the boy's mind love is something that is conditional. Love becomes something that can only be given when the other person works for it, when the other person deserves it, according to his standards.

Deep down, what he is really looking for, is his fathers validation. Once he finally gets the approval he needs from his father, he will be open to love without restrictions. Then commitment won't be such a big deal for him. Getting close to someone will not necessarily mean weakness or the loss of his independency. He will not need to have to prove his masculinity with thousands of women, he will know within himself that it is ok to be vulnerable with one woman without losing his identity. He will learn that love means closeness.

For more information about my work, stay connected to my blog or email me at elenaburnettcoach@gmail.com. or https://www.facebook.com/Elenaburnettcoach

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Love u all.

Addictions and CoDependency in the Relationship.

Men - Addictions and /or bad Habits .

How many of you girls have been dating or are in a relationship with a man that has some type of addiction? In my case I have dated some quite interesting ones. I remember going out with a guy who at the beginning seemed perfectly fine. Until I went to his house for a dinner with his sister (who was his roommate at the time). Of course he took me there for two reasons, one he was looking for his sisters validation and two, well I am sure you already know that one...
He was a chef, a pretty good one and he wanted to impress me with his cooking. So I gave him the complements he was fishing for. However I did realize that my validation didn't seem to be enough for him. He started acting out in weird ways. His sister was constantly excusing his behavior but I knew right there that something wasn't right. Later on in the "relationship" I found out that he had a major problem with alcohol and of course, women. I learn in our short time together that he only cared about his own feelings, his own problems and worries. He did not ever want to be there for me or even hear my pain. The good news is that I left him, it wasn't easy because I was already bonded to him. Yes, you are right... I bonded with the wrong guy, a mistake I had to make at that time.

The reason why I have shared this history with you, is because I want to remind you that there is always signs from the beginning in a relationship. Men will always tell you in the first 30 minutes of knowing you, what they are all about. If we miss the signs I can guarantee you that we will pay the price in the long run.

Now, lets say for instance that you happen to be dating a guy that has an addiction. Having an addiction means that, he has a relationship with that addiction. His addiction is his best friend. His  addiction has became his most important priority and without it, he can't function. His brain craves the addiction. Addictions also come in pairs, where there is an addiction there is always some other ones clustered with it. In other words, addictions are also linked with sex, porn, compulsive masturbation, gambling, strip bars,  etc.

When a person becomes addicted to mind-altering drugs, it is because they are looking for some  validation and to also escape from pain. Pain that he or she is carrying from disappointments, frustrations, etc. A person with an addiction, is a person that doesn't want to face reality, the reality of the up and down of life. He or she wants to stay in their fantasy world where rejections doesn't really exist. The addiction gives to the person the impression of always being there for him/her when no one else is. The addiction became their companion. They both are pretty much facing the world together. Without the addiction, the person feels naked, no place to go, no place to be.

These types of people need a lot of attention, a lot of reassurance and lot of love. It is all about them. Now, you as a woman need to come to terms with it, if this is something you want for you. You see, a man under any type of addiction loses his rationality and he becomes more feelings centered. He wants to be taken care of, he wants you to be his savior, his mother, his lover, his best friend, etc. However they will not be there for you when you need them because they can't be. The guy you are dating is not the real person, he is not in his real mind set. He is helpless.
Women who date these types of men, are also damaging themselves. Nature didn't make women to be masculine and act as the protector of the relationship. Most women that are adopting this role, end up suffering some type of sickness. The body will show the signs sooner or later.

So what is the solution? There is a way to change the whole scenario, however you won't avoid the pain of going through the process. You can either confront your partner in a healthy way, however you will need to know how to do this or stay in the relationship until the pain to stay is bigger than the pain to leave. Whether you decide to stay or to leave in both cases the pain is guaranteed. I really never advise to leave the relationship, I always recommend for the people involved to work the conflict within the relationship. Remember, if your partner has an addiction and you are with him, you are probably codependent too. Being in a relationship with someone who has an addiction made them being dependable on your emotional support, something that can actually give you a sense of power to begin with. So my question to you will be, are you ready to make the right changes to break the cycle you are in? Take time to think about it, because it is not an easy task to do. I can guarantee you, that as you make the proper changes, he will have to grow with you or the relationship will dissolve by itself.

You see, the guy you have got as I said before is not the real him. So if he cleans up his act you might not even like who he really is. At the same time, it might even happen to him too. So again, think about what is it that you want or don't want and take some positive action.

If you want to learn how to confront your partner in a healthy way, I can help you. Private consultations are now available on Skype and remember " Knowledge is Power "

Love you all.

elenaburnettcoach@gmail.com
https://www.facebook.com/Elenaburnettcoach

How To Deal With Your Partner's Infidelity

I know how difficult this subject can be and how hard it is to face the fact that your partner might be a cheater.

According to David Buss, Ph. D. there are two types of personalities who usually stray, the narcissistic type and the low conscientiousness type. They both lack empathy for people's pain.
A narcissistic person is someone that only cares about himself and doesn't take responsibility for his actions. They can be very seductive and charming at times and they are always fishing for complements.  Often they exaggerate their accomplishments and talents. Narcissistic people do get married, however their way of being doesn't ever change.
A low conscientiousness person is characterized by traits such as unreliability, carelessness, disorganization, laziness and lack of self control.  It is very possible that you might be dealing with one of these two types of personalities.

Now going back to the question of how to deal with infidelity, the first thing to be aware of is that it is possible that if you catch your partner cheating one time,  he probably did it before.

You can do two things to stop the situation from escalating. If you happen to be married and he is the provider, you will need to either confront him in a healthy way or stay and pretend nothing is really wrong.
If you chose to stay you are pretty much accepting the situation and saying that it is ok. Maybe his status or position is more important to you than his extra marital sexual life. If on the contrary his behavior is not acceptable to you then you will need to confront him in a healthy way.  Here are a couples of things you must do.

You need to communicate with him what you are about to do (more on that in a minute). It is important that you let him know about the changes you will make in order to protect yourself if he doesn't correct the situation. Tell him you won't be there for him anymore and for the next two months you will be dating around too. Tell him after that period of time if he still hasn't changed you will then proceed with the divorce.

Now if you want to learn the 8 secret's steps to have him come around. 
Contact Elena for more information at https://www.facebook.com/Elenaburnettcoach
http://www.youtube.com/702Elena .

For Private Consultation about your Relationship and / or Dating Issues,  email me at elenaburnettcoach@gmail.com

See you soon :)

Discover The 10 Things Men Want You To Know.

Hello World,

Here is my blog about what men really need from us. Only if you really want to keep him around. Check this out!

If you women want to keep your relationship with your guy, it is important that you understand what he needs from you in order for him to cherish you back. 

Most men have pretty much the same need - they want to be respected. They prefer to give up on love before losing your respect. Here are a couple of things women need to remember about what respect really means for men: 

1. Don’t give your opinion if he is not asking you for it. When a man opens up to talk, he is just sharing with you his thoughts, ideas, decisions, etc. 
2. Don’t interrupt him when he is talking. He will feel frustrated and close down if you do. 
3. Don’t tell him what to do. He will punish you with silence or you will get the worst of him.
4. Don’t ask him for more attention, more time, more sex. It will turn him off, he will pull back.
5. Don’t ask him how he feels. Unless he is sick!
6. Don’t question him. You are not his mother. 
7. Don’t compete with him. When he is mad it is better to let him win in that moment.
8. Don’t humiliate him in public. This is the worst thing you can do - you will hurt his ego.
9. Don’t criticize him with your friends. He wants your support. 
10. Don’t belittle him with your body language when he is sharing his decision or ideas with you. He will not share them with you anymore. 

For a Private Consultation about your Dating or Relationship Issues, Please email me at elenaburnettcoach@gmail.com. or visit me at , Prices are now affordable.
http://www.youtube.com/702Elena 
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Relationship and Dating Coach with more than 15 years working with men.
Elena is now helping women understand the heart and mind of men.