How do men think about love?

How do men think of love?

Do men actually believe in love? What is a man’s perception of relationship based on love? These few questions about men and love actually summarize the curiosity of every woman who has invariably spent innumerable hours of her life searching for valid answers to these questions. Men and love, these two terms don’t seem to go along very well, at least as far as the common perception is concerned. Since the very inception of human life, it was the feminine part of the planet that was considered more involved and relatable to things like love and relationships. Men, on the other hand are perceived to be more practical when it comes to relationships and their take on love is something that is rarely discussed.

So, how do men actually think about love or do they even think about it? Well, the answer to this very question is yes, absolutely yes! Men do think about love, more often and more deeply than any woman can think of but their journey to love is not as emotionally charged as that of a woman. Unlike women, most men don’t take the gradual journey of falling in love i.e. they are either in it on the very first day or not at all. For instance, a woman might end up falling for a guy she is friends with following a gradual journey where she develops emotional attachment for that person which is definitely not the case how love for men works. If a man notices a woman and finds her attractive enough for his standards, it is more likely that he’ll end up in love with her given right conditions and situations. However, in case he doesn’t consider a woman good enough for his standards in the very first instance then, he wouldn’t fall for her anyways.

A man no matter how much he is in love would never be as expressive as a woman in love and that’s how he is made up. He would love his woman to the moon and back but still won’t be very expressive about it because a man’s ideal way of loving is not talking about it but showing it to his partner with his gestures. Most of the men feel and believe that love is not an emotion that needs too much talking and hence restrain them from being too chatty about it. Women often end up complaining about how careless their man behaves while being in a relationship and conclude that he doesn’t love or care for them. All these conclusions are nothing but mere assumptions that have no definite grounding. Relationships of love please a man as much as a woman and being forgetful or careful about a particular date or event doesn’t mean that a man doesn’t value you or your love in his life. The truth is, men aren’t multitaskers as women and can concentrate majorly on one thing at a time, you give him too many things to ponder upon and he collapses. 

So, men do feel the depth and emotional gravity of love and value relationships as much as women, the only thing to take note of here is that men perceive love differently and express it in their own unique way that needs a little understanding on the part of every woman. 

For more information about my work or to book a consultation about your dating or relationship situation, please visit me at www.elenaburnett.com

The Reason Why Men Are Afraid Of Commitment?

Hello World,

I will like to share with all of you, a delicate subject related with men and commitment.

I am currently helping a friend of mine who is having trouble with her man. Now, because of her situation with him and even though at the moment they are not together, he is still in her heart and she would like to have him back. Because of her, today I would like to address this giant problem most men have about commitment. Why do they fear commitment? And what is the real reason behind it?

Most men in general have been brought up with a father figure that was either absent or emotionally unavailable. Many young men have the urgent need to feel approved and validated by their fathers - they want to measure up to their father's expectations. When they were not able to fulfill their father's requests, love was then withdraw was a way of punishment. These boys will later on in life, associate emotional distance with love, they will recreate the same type of environment where they will withdraw in order to get their way, in order to manipulate the outcome. They will also be afraid of closeness for fear of being rejected again. In the boy's mind love is something that is conditional. Love becomes something that can only be given when the other person works for it, when the other person deserves it, according to his standards.

Deep down, what he is really looking for, is his fathers validation. Once he finally gets the approval he needs from his father, he will be open to love without restrictions. Then commitment won't be such a big deal for him. Getting close to someone will not necessarily mean weakness or the loss of his independency. He will not need to have to prove his masculinity with thousands of women, he will know within himself that it is ok to be vulnerable with one woman without losing his identity. He will learn that love means closeness.

For more information about my work, stay connected to my blog or email me at elenaburnettcoach@gmail.com. or https://www.facebook.com/Elenaburnettcoach

My website is going to some positive changes so please be patient. 

Love u all.

The Secret To A Healthy Long Term Relationship

Relationships as we all know, are not easy, they usually take time to build and we don't really ever  have any type of guarantee that they will last.  A lot of people confuse the terms "relationship" as being intimate with someone and also what "intimacy" really means.
You can be in a relationship with a man and have no intimacy with him. Intimacy doesn't mean having sex with a regular partner. Intimacy means showing your heart to the other person. In order to show your heart you need to be vulnerable to expose your thoughts, your fears, your worries, your hidden secrets - in other words being able to be the real you. Most people are really afraid of it, for fear of being rejected, fearing to be seen in a different light. People will masquerade themselves behind an unreal facade just to protect themselves. Relationships then, end up in separation, divorce, affairs, etc.

To build a healthy relationship means work, means commitment, means responsibility for the people involved as a team. You see, in a relationship there is always three people, there is the two of you and the relationship. Everything we do, every sacrifice we make, we do it for the relationship. When we commit with the relationship and we keep our agreements, we are showing to our partner what real love is. In the process of growing together us a couple, there is going to be some disagreement, some frustrations, some difficult moments. These difficulties are there in order for us to learn to be able to adjust and correct things within the relationship. To do this, we must learn how to communicate with our partner in an efficient way, to avoid more friction. This is not an easy task.
The right way to do it, is to wait for things to calm down and then ask your partner sometime during the day, to discuss some important and delicate matters related to the relationship. Don't go to sleep, without having resolved your conflicts with your honey.
When the time is right, you will then need to be able to let your partner know what it is that you want or don't want in the relationship, at the same time you will also need to allow room for him to express himself too and then come to a middle ground together.

A lot of couple, want to think they have good communication in the relationship until they are confronted with a conflict,  then all you hear them do is intimidate and seduce each other into getting their ways first. The Relationship then becomes a power struggle, where they both want to be heard, they both want to lead, they both want to be understood and nothing really gets to be resolved.

The first thing you need to do when in disagreement with your partner , is to think how important it is for you to be right. If his approach is not something you would like to take in consideration, you don't need to fight back, you don't need to defend your position, all you need to do is ask him for another suggestion since the one he gave you is not really working for you. Let him know that you are open to other approaches in order to resolve the conflict. If this is not working for you then you are probably coming on too strong. Trust me, I also make that same mistake when I become emotional with my guy and I overreact, I sometimes just can't help it. Then after the fight is over, I will feel really bad about it. What I have learned about conflicts is that you are not always going to get it right but at least if you can control your impulses in the moment, you will be getting better results.
If you could for instant "Just think before you act, instead of reacting and then thinking" he would be mesmerized by your rationality. He will see you as an equal, someone that is able to control your emotions and be totally rational in the middle of chaos.

For Private Consultation about your situation, email me at elenaburnettcoach@gmail.com. I am a Certified Relationship and Dating Educator, with more than 15 years working with men. Learning from men.

Love u all.
https://www.facebook.com/Elenaburnettcoach

Addictions and CoDependency in the Relationship.

Men - Addictions and /or bad Habits .

How many of you girls have been dating or are in a relationship with a man that has some type of addiction? In my case I have dated some quite interesting ones. I remember going out with a guy who at the beginning seemed perfectly fine. Until I went to his house for a dinner with his sister (who was his roommate at the time). Of course he took me there for two reasons, one he was looking for his sisters validation and two, well I am sure you already know that one...
He was a chef, a pretty good one and he wanted to impress me with his cooking. So I gave him the complements he was fishing for. However I did realize that my validation didn't seem to be enough for him. He started acting out in weird ways. His sister was constantly excusing his behavior but I knew right there that something wasn't right. Later on in the "relationship" I found out that he had a major problem with alcohol and of course, women. I learn in our short time together that he only cared about his own feelings, his own problems and worries. He did not ever want to be there for me or even hear my pain. The good news is that I left him, it wasn't easy because I was already bonded to him. Yes, you are right... I bonded with the wrong guy, a mistake I had to make at that time.

The reason why I have shared this history with you, is because I want to remind you that there is always signs from the beginning in a relationship. Men will always tell you in the first 30 minutes of knowing you, what they are all about. If we miss the signs I can guarantee you that we will pay the price in the long run.

Now, lets say for instance that you happen to be dating a guy that has an addiction. Having an addiction means that, he has a relationship with that addiction. His addiction is his best friend. His  addiction has became his most important priority and without it, he can't function. His brain craves the addiction. Addictions also come in pairs, where there is an addiction there is always some other ones clustered with it. In other words, addictions are also linked with sex, porn, compulsive masturbation, gambling, strip bars,  etc.

When a person becomes addicted to mind-altering drugs, it is because they are looking for some  validation and to also escape from pain. Pain that he or she is carrying from disappointments, frustrations, etc. A person with an addiction, is a person that doesn't want to face reality, the reality of the up and down of life. He or she wants to stay in their fantasy world where rejections doesn't really exist. The addiction gives to the person the impression of always being there for him/her when no one else is. The addiction became their companion. They both are pretty much facing the world together. Without the addiction, the person feels naked, no place to go, no place to be.

These types of people need a lot of attention, a lot of reassurance and lot of love. It is all about them. Now, you as a woman need to come to terms with it, if this is something you want for you. You see, a man under any type of addiction loses his rationality and he becomes more feelings centered. He wants to be taken care of, he wants you to be his savior, his mother, his lover, his best friend, etc. However they will not be there for you when you need them because they can't be. The guy you are dating is not the real person, he is not in his real mind set. He is helpless.
Women who date these types of men, are also damaging themselves. Nature didn't make women to be masculine and act as the protector of the relationship. Most women that are adopting this role, end up suffering some type of sickness. The body will show the signs sooner or later.

So what is the solution? There is a way to change the whole scenario, however you won't avoid the pain of going through the process. You can either confront your partner in a healthy way, however you will need to know how to do this or stay in the relationship until the pain to stay is bigger than the pain to leave. Whether you decide to stay or to leave in both cases the pain is guaranteed. I really never advise to leave the relationship, I always recommend for the people involved to work the conflict within the relationship. Remember, if your partner has an addiction and you are with him, you are probably codependent too. Being in a relationship with someone who has an addiction made them being dependable on your emotional support, something that can actually give you a sense of power to begin with. So my question to you will be, are you ready to make the right changes to break the cycle you are in? Take time to think about it, because it is not an easy task to do. I can guarantee you, that as you make the proper changes, he will have to grow with you or the relationship will dissolve by itself.

You see, the guy you have got as I said before is not the real him. So if he cleans up his act you might not even like who he really is. At the same time, it might even happen to him too. So again, think about what is it that you want or don't want and take some positive action.

If you want to learn how to confront your partner in a healthy way, I can help you. Private consultations are now available on Skype and remember " Knowledge is Power "

Love you all.

elenaburnettcoach@gmail.com
https://www.facebook.com/Elenaburnettcoach

Why Do I Keep Attracting The Same Type of Men?.

Hello World,

Today I am going to talk about a subject I always hear about. Most women are concerned that they keep attracting the same type of men. And they wonder whether or not they have any power to change it... Remember it is not who you attract that matters, what matters is who you chose to keep.

A big percentage of women complain about their men; they deep inside would like to attract a different type of man, however they don't know how to do it or are not sure the reason why these men share the same qualities. Women, there needs to be some changes in order to attract different men!

Now one thing I have learned about is the power of attraction. In life, it is not so much who we attract that matters, what really matters is who we choose to keep. We, as individuals have the power of choice and at the end of the day, you and only you are responsible for your choices.

Let me first explain one thing.  Men and women are both androgynous by nature, which means they both have feminine and masculine aspects within themselves. Whether you personally choose to be in your masculine or feminine energy is not de terminated by your gender. It is a choice you make and most of the time you are not even consciously aware of which energy you are using.

For instance, if a woman happens to be more comfortable in her feminine energy, she will probably be more passive and receptive to a man approaching her. If, on the contrary, she chooses to be more in her masculine side, she will probably lack patience, vulnerability and will most likely love to be in control of the outcome. Whichever way you chose, it is ok as long as you are consciously aware.

Now, if you are not happy with the type of men you are attracting in your life, in order to change it, you will have to first make the changes within you. You will have to change the energy you are choosing to mate. In other words, if you are choosing to be in your masculine energy and are doing the hunting, you will probably attract men that will be more comfortable in their passive feminine energy. These men will love your assertiveness, they will love your independency and drive. These men will not feel challenged by you.

On the contrary, if you are in your masculine side and happen to attract a man in his masculine energy. You will both only clash with each other. Fights and misunderstanding will be all you get, since both of you will be looking to lead in the relationship. You will both be looking to be respected and be right at the same time. This type of relationship doesn't usually last and if they do, they end up really bad because they both are really miserable in their company.

If you are already in a serious relationship you would like to keep, and you both are in your masculine energy, the only way you could still work it out is by learning how to complement each others energy.
If you want to learn how to do this, I can help you. I have helped many women in the same situation as you are.
If you will like to book a Private Consultation with me, email me at elenaburnettcoach@gmail.com. or visit me at https://www.facebook.com/Elenaburnettcoach

And Remember  " Knowledge is Power"

Elena

The Mama's Boy Syndrome.

What can you do if you happen to be dating a mama's boy? What are the chances that you could develop a healthy relationship with him, without having to deal with his mother complex?

Mama's boys are the type of men who have never grown up. These men haven't had a woman at the age of ten teach them that women, animals and things are not on the planet for his own pleasure.

They were pretty much left alone to do as they please. They didn't have any structure in their life and nobody taught them how to develop discipline or how to be responsible for their actions. These boys  have always had a woman picking up after them - they were not able to grow according to their age.

As adults they are constantly looking for attention and reassurance. They also usually have difficulties with delaying gratification. You would think that having had a mother serving them, these boys wouldn't have felt as rejected as they did. This is far from the truth because they were rejected the right of being supervised as their age requires.These boys will grow into men with a masculinity that has been deprived. They will be looking for women that act like surrogate mothers to them, in order to find the validation and acceptance they didn't have.

Dr . Dan Kiley in his magnificent book "The Peter Pan Syndrome" explains how if a potential victim of PPS can be reached before the sex role conflict is fully manifested (sex role conflict happens between the ages for 12 to 17)  the chances of constructive change are good. But once sexual inadequacy is repressed, narcissism and chauvinism follow.

If you want to know how to turn a PP or MB into a man, contact me for a private consultation at elenaburnettcoach@gmail.com For  more information, visit me at https://www.facebook.com/Elenaburnettcoach
http://www.youtube.com/702Elena 

How To Get it Right with Guys?

If You really want to know how to get it right with men,
Here is what you will need to know about men. Specially the ones that like to be in charge of the relationship.  These men are called " Masculine Man" .  They love to compete, conquer and control. Here is what they are looking in a woman.

A masculine man will want you to be able to say  ‘No” to casual sex.

Wait a moment, what do you mean? don’t men all want to get laid? Of Course they do for biological reasons. However when a man it is interested in building something else with you things can be a little bit different. Ok so let’s go back to the question. why would a man appreciate a woman saying “ no “ to intercourse? Here are the reason why.

1. If he can get you in the sack that easily that means other competitors will have the same chances too. In which case, he knows he won’t be able to trust you in the long run. Just because a man wants to go out with you or get into your body, that doesn’t mean you are special. You can only became the “ one” when he can first get to know you, for who you are. 
2. If he can’t manipulate you to get his needs meet first, you then won’t lose yourself. Well... think about it for a moment, a man is built to provide and protect. If you don’t allow him the space to be a man, he won’t have the chance to fall for you. If all he wants is his own self gratification, then not matter what you do he will soon be out of your life so why would you even try to bond with him. 

Men know they can get a lot of things for free especially if they have status, money and looks. They also know that good things don’t usually come easily. Everything that is good  takes time to build. One thing is clear: we women need to be very patient with them. Don’t stand idly by while you wait for him. Do your things be happy with your own company. Men also love happy women. A man is suppose to come into your life to make you happier but it is not his responsibility to do the work for you. I know it is hard for us women to understand this concept since most of us long for that special man that will save us from our pain.

The good news is that men in general also long for love, they might not show it to us as much as we would like them to do, however the way to get to their hearts is not through their pants.   Don’t let them convince you otherwise, remember they can be very persuasive (that is why we love them). 

If he wants you that badly he will come around. you might think he won’t however let him be frustrated and deal with the pain of not getting it his way. If you chase him around when he pulls away,  you will just turn him into your son. Yes.. you heard right, you will disrespect him and his manhood and all you will get from him, is his penis. 

For most women an emotional connection is more important than the physical one even though we might get confused and get physical first in hopes of getting the attention we long for. 

To book a Private Consultation email me at elenaburnettcoach@gmail.com or https://www.facebook.com/Elenaburnettcoach
Elena has been working with men for more than 15 years and now she is committed to help women understand the heart and mind of men.