The Reason Why Men Are Afraid Of Commitment?

Hello World,

I will like to share with all of you, a delicate subject related with men and commitment.

I am currently helping a friend of mine who is having trouble with her man. Now, because of her situation with him and even though at the moment they are not together, he is still in her heart and she would like to have him back. Because of her, today I would like to address this giant problem most men have about commitment. Why do they fear commitment? And what is the real reason behind it?

Most men in general have been brought up with a father figure that was either absent or emotionally unavailable. Many young men have the urgent need to feel approved and validated by their fathers - they want to measure up to their father's expectations. When they were not able to fulfill their father's requests, love was then withdraw was a way of punishment. These boys will later on in life, associate emotional distance with love, they will recreate the same type of environment where they will withdraw in order to get their way, in order to manipulate the outcome. They will also be afraid of closeness for fear of being rejected again. In the boy's mind love is something that is conditional. Love becomes something that can only be given when the other person works for it, when the other person deserves it, according to his standards.

Deep down, what he is really looking for, is his fathers validation. Once he finally gets the approval he needs from his father, he will be open to love without restrictions. Then commitment won't be such a big deal for him. Getting close to someone will not necessarily mean weakness or the loss of his independency. He will not need to have to prove his masculinity with thousands of women, he will know within himself that it is ok to be vulnerable with one woman without losing his identity. He will learn that love means closeness.

For more information about my work, stay connected to my blog or email me at elenaburnettcoach@gmail.com. or https://www.facebook.com/Elenaburnettcoach

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Love u all.

The Secret To A Healthy Long Term Relationship

Relationships as we all know, are not easy, they usually take time to build and we don't really ever  have any type of guarantee that they will last.  A lot of people confuse the terms "relationship" as being intimate with someone and also what "intimacy" really means.
You can be in a relationship with a man and have no intimacy with him. Intimacy doesn't mean having sex with a regular partner. Intimacy means showing your heart to the other person. In order to show your heart you need to be vulnerable to expose your thoughts, your fears, your worries, your hidden secrets - in other words being able to be the real you. Most people are really afraid of it, for fear of being rejected, fearing to be seen in a different light. People will masquerade themselves behind an unreal facade just to protect themselves. Relationships then, end up in separation, divorce, affairs, etc.

To build a healthy relationship means work, means commitment, means responsibility for the people involved as a team. You see, in a relationship there is always three people, there is the two of you and the relationship. Everything we do, every sacrifice we make, we do it for the relationship. When we commit with the relationship and we keep our agreements, we are showing to our partner what real love is. In the process of growing together us a couple, there is going to be some disagreement, some frustrations, some difficult moments. These difficulties are there in order for us to learn to be able to adjust and correct things within the relationship. To do this, we must learn how to communicate with our partner in an efficient way, to avoid more friction. This is not an easy task.
The right way to do it, is to wait for things to calm down and then ask your partner sometime during the day, to discuss some important and delicate matters related to the relationship. Don't go to sleep, without having resolved your conflicts with your honey.
When the time is right, you will then need to be able to let your partner know what it is that you want or don't want in the relationship, at the same time you will also need to allow room for him to express himself too and then come to a middle ground together.

A lot of couple, want to think they have good communication in the relationship until they are confronted with a conflict,  then all you hear them do is intimidate and seduce each other into getting their ways first. The Relationship then becomes a power struggle, where they both want to be heard, they both want to lead, they both want to be understood and nothing really gets to be resolved.

The first thing you need to do when in disagreement with your partner , is to think how important it is for you to be right. If his approach is not something you would like to take in consideration, you don't need to fight back, you don't need to defend your position, all you need to do is ask him for another suggestion since the one he gave you is not really working for you. Let him know that you are open to other approaches in order to resolve the conflict. If this is not working for you then you are probably coming on too strong. Trust me, I also make that same mistake when I become emotional with my guy and I overreact, I sometimes just can't help it. Then after the fight is over, I will feel really bad about it. What I have learned about conflicts is that you are not always going to get it right but at least if you can control your impulses in the moment, you will be getting better results.
If you could for instant "Just think before you act, instead of reacting and then thinking" he would be mesmerized by your rationality. He will see you as an equal, someone that is able to control your emotions and be totally rational in the middle of chaos.

For Private Consultation about your situation, email me at elenaburnettcoach@gmail.com. I am a Certified Relationship and Dating Educator, with more than 15 years working with men. Learning from men.

Love u all.
https://www.facebook.com/Elenaburnettcoach

Why Do I Keep Attracting The Same Type of Men?.

Hello World,

Today I am going to talk about a subject I always hear about. Most women are concerned that they keep attracting the same type of men. And they wonder whether or not they have any power to change it... Remember it is not who you attract that matters, what matters is who you chose to keep.

A big percentage of women complain about their men; they deep inside would like to attract a different type of man, however they don't know how to do it or are not sure the reason why these men share the same qualities. Women, there needs to be some changes in order to attract different men!

Now one thing I have learned about is the power of attraction. In life, it is not so much who we attract that matters, what really matters is who we choose to keep. We, as individuals have the power of choice and at the end of the day, you and only you are responsible for your choices.

Let me first explain one thing.  Men and women are both androgynous by nature, which means they both have feminine and masculine aspects within themselves. Whether you personally choose to be in your masculine or feminine energy is not de terminated by your gender. It is a choice you make and most of the time you are not even consciously aware of which energy you are using.

For instance, if a woman happens to be more comfortable in her feminine energy, she will probably be more passive and receptive to a man approaching her. If, on the contrary, she chooses to be more in her masculine side, she will probably lack patience, vulnerability and will most likely love to be in control of the outcome. Whichever way you chose, it is ok as long as you are consciously aware.

Now, if you are not happy with the type of men you are attracting in your life, in order to change it, you will have to first make the changes within you. You will have to change the energy you are choosing to mate. In other words, if you are choosing to be in your masculine energy and are doing the hunting, you will probably attract men that will be more comfortable in their passive feminine energy. These men will love your assertiveness, they will love your independency and drive. These men will not feel challenged by you.

On the contrary, if you are in your masculine side and happen to attract a man in his masculine energy. You will both only clash with each other. Fights and misunderstanding will be all you get, since both of you will be looking to lead in the relationship. You will both be looking to be respected and be right at the same time. This type of relationship doesn't usually last and if they do, they end up really bad because they both are really miserable in their company.

If you are already in a serious relationship you would like to keep, and you both are in your masculine energy, the only way you could still work it out is by learning how to complement each others energy.
If you want to learn how to do this, I can help you. I have helped many women in the same situation as you are.
If you will like to book a Private Consultation with me, email me at elenaburnettcoach@gmail.com. or visit me at https://www.facebook.com/Elenaburnettcoach

And Remember  " Knowledge is Power"

Elena