Addictions and CoDependency in the Relationship.

Men - Addictions and /or bad Habits .

How many of you girls have been dating or are in a relationship with a man that has some type of addiction? In my case I have dated some quite interesting ones. I remember going out with a guy who at the beginning seemed perfectly fine. Until I went to his house for a dinner with his sister (who was his roommate at the time). Of course he took me there for two reasons, one he was looking for his sisters validation and two, well I am sure you already know that one...
He was a chef, a pretty good one and he wanted to impress me with his cooking. So I gave him the complements he was fishing for. However I did realize that my validation didn't seem to be enough for him. He started acting out in weird ways. His sister was constantly excusing his behavior but I knew right there that something wasn't right. Later on in the "relationship" I found out that he had a major problem with alcohol and of course, women. I learn in our short time together that he only cared about his own feelings, his own problems and worries. He did not ever want to be there for me or even hear my pain. The good news is that I left him, it wasn't easy because I was already bonded to him. Yes, you are right... I bonded with the wrong guy, a mistake I had to make at that time.

The reason why I have shared this history with you, is because I want to remind you that there is always signs from the beginning in a relationship. Men will always tell you in the first 30 minutes of knowing you, what they are all about. If we miss the signs I can guarantee you that we will pay the price in the long run.

Now, lets say for instance that you happen to be dating a guy that has an addiction. Having an addiction means that, he has a relationship with that addiction. His addiction is his best friend. His  addiction has became his most important priority and without it, he can't function. His brain craves the addiction. Addictions also come in pairs, where there is an addiction there is always some other ones clustered with it. In other words, addictions are also linked with sex, porn, compulsive masturbation, gambling, strip bars,  etc.

When a person becomes addicted to mind-altering drugs, it is because they are looking for some  validation and to also escape from pain. Pain that he or she is carrying from disappointments, frustrations, etc. A person with an addiction, is a person that doesn't want to face reality, the reality of the up and down of life. He or she wants to stay in their fantasy world where rejections doesn't really exist. The addiction gives to the person the impression of always being there for him/her when no one else is. The addiction became their companion. They both are pretty much facing the world together. Without the addiction, the person feels naked, no place to go, no place to be.

These types of people need a lot of attention, a lot of reassurance and lot of love. It is all about them. Now, you as a woman need to come to terms with it, if this is something you want for you. You see, a man under any type of addiction loses his rationality and he becomes more feelings centered. He wants to be taken care of, he wants you to be his savior, his mother, his lover, his best friend, etc. However they will not be there for you when you need them because they can't be. The guy you are dating is not the real person, he is not in his real mind set. He is helpless.
Women who date these types of men, are also damaging themselves. Nature didn't make women to be masculine and act as the protector of the relationship. Most women that are adopting this role, end up suffering some type of sickness. The body will show the signs sooner or later.

So what is the solution? There is a way to change the whole scenario, however you won't avoid the pain of going through the process. You can either confront your partner in a healthy way, however you will need to know how to do this or stay in the relationship until the pain to stay is bigger than the pain to leave. Whether you decide to stay or to leave in both cases the pain is guaranteed. I really never advise to leave the relationship, I always recommend for the people involved to work the conflict within the relationship. Remember, if your partner has an addiction and you are with him, you are probably codependent too. Being in a relationship with someone who has an addiction made them being dependable on your emotional support, something that can actually give you a sense of power to begin with. So my question to you will be, are you ready to make the right changes to break the cycle you are in? Take time to think about it, because it is not an easy task to do. I can guarantee you, that as you make the proper changes, he will have to grow with you or the relationship will dissolve by itself.

You see, the guy you have got as I said before is not the real him. So if he cleans up his act you might not even like who he really is. At the same time, it might even happen to him too. So again, think about what is it that you want or don't want and take some positive action.

If you want to learn how to confront your partner in a healthy way, I can help you. Private consultations are now available on Skype and remember " Knowledge is Power "

Love you all.

elenaburnettcoach@gmail.com
https://www.facebook.com/Elenaburnettcoach

When Things Move Too Fast.

How many times have you started dating a guy you really like and suddenly everything starts going too fast? How do you know when it's time to slow things down?

Men come in different styles. There are men who likes to hunt and men who want to be hunted. They both are acceptable, it is just a matter of what feel right for you. Today I am going to talk about the guys that want to go after what they want. This type of man operates from their masculine side. They want to lead, they want to control, they want to conquer and compete. A man like this likes to take risks. He sees something he likes and he goes after it. They know that in order to get their needs met, in order to gratify themselves, they will have to act really quickly with women. You see, men can also be emotional when it comes to romance and the reason why is because in order to avoid getting hurt by being rejected, a man in his masculine energy will first see a woman as a sex object if what he wants is to just get laid. He knows that by doing this, he will have to act out as fast as possible to get his way. The faster he gets to convince her of his interest by telling her all the things he would do for her,  the easier the chance for him to score. If he misses the chance to act quickly, he knows he will have to face rejection - something men are not good at dealing with.

Women in general, especially young one, need to understand that men are performers by nature. They see everything as a big competition and their bodies are made to penetrate things, it is not that they mean bad to us. It is just that they can't help it. It is a woman's job to elevate a man's consciousness from his instinctive nature to his spiritual level. Most men are not as in touch with their bodies as women are. For a man, their bodies are an instrument they use to fulfill some needs. When they are hungry they eat, when they are tired they sleep and when they want to release stress, they have sex. Nothing more.
If what you want as a woman is to make love and also have sex with a man, you will need to learn how to put on breaks, when he comes too fast on you. If you don't stop him he will run the show as he pleases and then leave you with empty hands.

A couple of things you could do when he starts playing his cards with you, meaning coming on too strong. Let's say for instance that you went on a date with a guy and right after, he starts texting you with consistency. What could you do about it? I always recommend to answer his text, just to be respectful. However, if he keeps pushing his way, don't just keep playing his game. Just breathe and let 3 days go by. Let the excitement he has created in you go down, so you can think with your head instead of reacting from your emotions. Remember, when it comes to romance you need to control your emotions  so he can't see your weakness. When a man is trying to create a reaction in you, he is just looking to see how to get you wrapped around his finger. If he gets his way first before you get to elevate his consciousness the game is over. He wins.

One thing I have learned about men is that they will never between them reveal anything that might be used against them in the future. They will not talk about their personal stuff or pain if it is not with a much older man who can act as a mentor. With that in mind, it is important that women remember to keep their emotions in place, in order not to reveal their weak points to a man when he is playing games with you. I am not saying not to be vulnerable, I am not encouraging that, however what I do recommend is for you to be rational when he is trying to make you his sex object.

Talk to you soon and remember " Knowledge is Power".

For Private Consultation about your Dating or Relationship Issues, email me at elenaburnettcoach@gmail.com or visit me athttps://www.facebook.com/Elenaburnettcoach
 http://www.youtube.com/702Elena 

Why Do I Keep Attracting The Same Type of Men?.

Hello World,

Today I am going to talk about a subject I always hear about. Most women are concerned that they keep attracting the same type of men. And they wonder whether or not they have any power to change it... Remember it is not who you attract that matters, what matters is who you chose to keep.

A big percentage of women complain about their men; they deep inside would like to attract a different type of man, however they don't know how to do it or are not sure the reason why these men share the same qualities. Women, there needs to be some changes in order to attract different men!

Now one thing I have learned about is the power of attraction. In life, it is not so much who we attract that matters, what really matters is who we choose to keep. We, as individuals have the power of choice and at the end of the day, you and only you are responsible for your choices.

Let me first explain one thing.  Men and women are both androgynous by nature, which means they both have feminine and masculine aspects within themselves. Whether you personally choose to be in your masculine or feminine energy is not de terminated by your gender. It is a choice you make and most of the time you are not even consciously aware of which energy you are using.

For instance, if a woman happens to be more comfortable in her feminine energy, she will probably be more passive and receptive to a man approaching her. If, on the contrary, she chooses to be more in her masculine side, she will probably lack patience, vulnerability and will most likely love to be in control of the outcome. Whichever way you chose, it is ok as long as you are consciously aware.

Now, if you are not happy with the type of men you are attracting in your life, in order to change it, you will have to first make the changes within you. You will have to change the energy you are choosing to mate. In other words, if you are choosing to be in your masculine energy and are doing the hunting, you will probably attract men that will be more comfortable in their passive feminine energy. These men will love your assertiveness, they will love your independency and drive. These men will not feel challenged by you.

On the contrary, if you are in your masculine side and happen to attract a man in his masculine energy. You will both only clash with each other. Fights and misunderstanding will be all you get, since both of you will be looking to lead in the relationship. You will both be looking to be respected and be right at the same time. This type of relationship doesn't usually last and if they do, they end up really bad because they both are really miserable in their company.

If you are already in a serious relationship you would like to keep, and you both are in your masculine energy, the only way you could still work it out is by learning how to complement each others energy.
If you want to learn how to do this, I can help you. I have helped many women in the same situation as you are.
If you will like to book a Private Consultation with me, email me at elenaburnettcoach@gmail.com. or visit me at https://www.facebook.com/Elenaburnettcoach

And Remember  " Knowledge is Power"

Elena

Why It Takes Men So Long To Get Back to Us.

How many of you have been waiting for a guy's call for what seems like forever? What is it about men that, in general, they all need time to think things over? What is it that requires that much thought...?

God or the Universe has created men and women in different ways, especially right handed men and women. Right handed men are very logical and pragmatic, they are made to get things done. They want  challenges, they love to make things structured and their bodies are made to penetrate.
I know what you women are probably thinking right now, however the truth is that is the way they are built. They can only do one thing at a time and they don't process things the same way women do. When you find yourself waiting for him to contact you, don't freak out, don't make up stories in your head. Just buy time, just know that there is nothing wrong with you or your guy.

The less you chase him when he pulls back, the more chances you will have for him to come back stronger than ever and if he doesn't, at least you will still be young, beautiful and desirable enough to find another man with better resources.

Learn to be in your femininity, learn to be passive, learn to be vulnerable and receptive. Men love women who are grounded in themselves. And remember when he decides to call you back don't make a scene or have an attitude. Just be happy that he is contacting you.

For more info,  follow me at  https://www.facebook.com/Elenaburnettcoach. For Private Consultation email me at elenaburnettcoach@gmail.com

How To Get it Right with Guys?

If You really want to know how to get it right with men,
Here is what you will need to know about men. Specially the ones that like to be in charge of the relationship.  These men are called " Masculine Man" .  They love to compete, conquer and control. Here is what they are looking in a woman.

A masculine man will want you to be able to say  ‘No” to casual sex.

Wait a moment, what do you mean? don’t men all want to get laid? Of Course they do for biological reasons. However when a man it is interested in building something else with you things can be a little bit different. Ok so let’s go back to the question. why would a man appreciate a woman saying “ no “ to intercourse? Here are the reason why.

1. If he can get you in the sack that easily that means other competitors will have the same chances too. In which case, he knows he won’t be able to trust you in the long run. Just because a man wants to go out with you or get into your body, that doesn’t mean you are special. You can only became the “ one” when he can first get to know you, for who you are. 
2. If he can’t manipulate you to get his needs meet first, you then won’t lose yourself. Well... think about it for a moment, a man is built to provide and protect. If you don’t allow him the space to be a man, he won’t have the chance to fall for you. If all he wants is his own self gratification, then not matter what you do he will soon be out of your life so why would you even try to bond with him. 

Men know they can get a lot of things for free especially if they have status, money and looks. They also know that good things don’t usually come easily. Everything that is good  takes time to build. One thing is clear: we women need to be very patient with them. Don’t stand idly by while you wait for him. Do your things be happy with your own company. Men also love happy women. A man is suppose to come into your life to make you happier but it is not his responsibility to do the work for you. I know it is hard for us women to understand this concept since most of us long for that special man that will save us from our pain.

The good news is that men in general also long for love, they might not show it to us as much as we would like them to do, however the way to get to their hearts is not through their pants.   Don’t let them convince you otherwise, remember they can be very persuasive (that is why we love them). 

If he wants you that badly he will come around. you might think he won’t however let him be frustrated and deal with the pain of not getting it his way. If you chase him around when he pulls away,  you will just turn him into your son. Yes.. you heard right, you will disrespect him and his manhood and all you will get from him, is his penis. 

For most women an emotional connection is more important than the physical one even though we might get confused and get physical first in hopes of getting the attention we long for. 

To book a Private Consultation email me at elenaburnettcoach@gmail.com or https://www.facebook.com/Elenaburnettcoach
Elena has been working with men for more than 15 years and now she is committed to help women understand the heart and mind of men.