Decode the 10 Things Men Try to Hide.

Men have their own way to express or let us know what they want and they usually do it in a very subtle way.  

It is very important for women to be able to decode what is going on behind their words. What is it they really mean?

Here are 10 things you might hear from men and the real truth behind it. 

1.  I like you a lot however I am not really looking for a relationship at the moment. 
The message is "let's just have fun cuz I don't want to deal with your drama."

2.  I am married however it is not working and I am planning to divorce.
The message is  "I am not available but I am going to make you think that I may be soon, so I can get laid now. "

3.   What a great friend you are.
If he says that, he is not interested in you. He doesn't find you attractive enough. 

4.  The economy is tough this days.
"I don't have a job and I don't have any intention to look for one either." 

5.  I haven't had a serious girlfriend for the last 5 years.
He loves to be single and has no intention to settle down. 

6.  I love tall women.
He is probably 5' 7'' and has a napoleon complex. 

7.  I care about  you.
If a man says that, he means "I loves you."

8. I need space.
Stop being on his back, he is getting tired of you.

9. Can we still be friends?
"Can I still have sex with you?"

10. I didn't call lately because I have been very busy with work this days.
He was probably very busy seducing someone else beside you. 

Remember one thing, if a man is really interested in you, he will find time for you. Any excuse you might hear from him is just a way to create some distance between the two of you.  Ask yourself whether you have contributed to his aloofness and how can you take your power back.  Men love women that are self-centered, a woman that loves herself more than she will love him. He knows if she loves herself enough he will be seen in her eyes as an important part of her life instead of him becoming her everything. This is a tough lesson for most women. I have gone though this experience with the men in my life and it hasn't been an easy one to learn.  Come on girls we can do it...

For a Private Consultation about your Relationship or Dating Issues, email me elenaburnettcoach@gmail.com 
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The Reason Why Men Are Afraid Of Commitment?

Hello World,

I will like to share with all of you, a delicate subject related with men and commitment.

I am currently helping a friend of mine who is having trouble with her man. Now, because of her situation with him and even though at the moment they are not together, he is still in her heart and she would like to have him back. Because of her, today I would like to address this giant problem most men have about commitment. Why do they fear commitment? And what is the real reason behind it?

Most men in general have been brought up with a father figure that was either absent or emotionally unavailable. Many young men have the urgent need to feel approved and validated by their fathers - they want to measure up to their father's expectations. When they were not able to fulfill their father's requests, love was then withdraw was a way of punishment. These boys will later on in life, associate emotional distance with love, they will recreate the same type of environment where they will withdraw in order to get their way, in order to manipulate the outcome. They will also be afraid of closeness for fear of being rejected again. In the boy's mind love is something that is conditional. Love becomes something that can only be given when the other person works for it, when the other person deserves it, according to his standards.

Deep down, what he is really looking for, is his fathers validation. Once he finally gets the approval he needs from his father, he will be open to love without restrictions. Then commitment won't be such a big deal for him. Getting close to someone will not necessarily mean weakness or the loss of his independency. He will not need to have to prove his masculinity with thousands of women, he will know within himself that it is ok to be vulnerable with one woman without losing his identity. He will learn that love means closeness.

For more information about my work, stay connected to my blog or email me at elenaburnettcoach@gmail.com. or https://www.facebook.com/Elenaburnettcoach

My website is going to some positive changes so please be patient. 

Love u all.

The Secret To A Healthy Long Term Relationship

Relationships as we all know, are not easy, they usually take time to build and we don't really ever  have any type of guarantee that they will last.  A lot of people confuse the terms "relationship" as being intimate with someone and also what "intimacy" really means.
You can be in a relationship with a man and have no intimacy with him. Intimacy doesn't mean having sex with a regular partner. Intimacy means showing your heart to the other person. In order to show your heart you need to be vulnerable to expose your thoughts, your fears, your worries, your hidden secrets - in other words being able to be the real you. Most people are really afraid of it, for fear of being rejected, fearing to be seen in a different light. People will masquerade themselves behind an unreal facade just to protect themselves. Relationships then, end up in separation, divorce, affairs, etc.

To build a healthy relationship means work, means commitment, means responsibility for the people involved as a team. You see, in a relationship there is always three people, there is the two of you and the relationship. Everything we do, every sacrifice we make, we do it for the relationship. When we commit with the relationship and we keep our agreements, we are showing to our partner what real love is. In the process of growing together us a couple, there is going to be some disagreement, some frustrations, some difficult moments. These difficulties are there in order for us to learn to be able to adjust and correct things within the relationship. To do this, we must learn how to communicate with our partner in an efficient way, to avoid more friction. This is not an easy task.
The right way to do it, is to wait for things to calm down and then ask your partner sometime during the day, to discuss some important and delicate matters related to the relationship. Don't go to sleep, without having resolved your conflicts with your honey.
When the time is right, you will then need to be able to let your partner know what it is that you want or don't want in the relationship, at the same time you will also need to allow room for him to express himself too and then come to a middle ground together.

A lot of couple, want to think they have good communication in the relationship until they are confronted with a conflict,  then all you hear them do is intimidate and seduce each other into getting their ways first. The Relationship then becomes a power struggle, where they both want to be heard, they both want to lead, they both want to be understood and nothing really gets to be resolved.

The first thing you need to do when in disagreement with your partner , is to think how important it is for you to be right. If his approach is not something you would like to take in consideration, you don't need to fight back, you don't need to defend your position, all you need to do is ask him for another suggestion since the one he gave you is not really working for you. Let him know that you are open to other approaches in order to resolve the conflict. If this is not working for you then you are probably coming on too strong. Trust me, I also make that same mistake when I become emotional with my guy and I overreact, I sometimes just can't help it. Then after the fight is over, I will feel really bad about it. What I have learned about conflicts is that you are not always going to get it right but at least if you can control your impulses in the moment, you will be getting better results.
If you could for instant "Just think before you act, instead of reacting and then thinking" he would be mesmerized by your rationality. He will see you as an equal, someone that is able to control your emotions and be totally rational in the middle of chaos.

For Private Consultation about your situation, email me at elenaburnettcoach@gmail.com. I am a Certified Relationship and Dating Educator, with more than 15 years working with men. Learning from men.

Love u all.
https://www.facebook.com/Elenaburnettcoach

Addictions and CoDependency in the Relationship.

Men - Addictions and /or bad Habits .

How many of you girls have been dating or are in a relationship with a man that has some type of addiction? In my case I have dated some quite interesting ones. I remember going out with a guy who at the beginning seemed perfectly fine. Until I went to his house for a dinner with his sister (who was his roommate at the time). Of course he took me there for two reasons, one he was looking for his sisters validation and two, well I am sure you already know that one...
He was a chef, a pretty good one and he wanted to impress me with his cooking. So I gave him the complements he was fishing for. However I did realize that my validation didn't seem to be enough for him. He started acting out in weird ways. His sister was constantly excusing his behavior but I knew right there that something wasn't right. Later on in the "relationship" I found out that he had a major problem with alcohol and of course, women. I learn in our short time together that he only cared about his own feelings, his own problems and worries. He did not ever want to be there for me or even hear my pain. The good news is that I left him, it wasn't easy because I was already bonded to him. Yes, you are right... I bonded with the wrong guy, a mistake I had to make at that time.

The reason why I have shared this history with you, is because I want to remind you that there is always signs from the beginning in a relationship. Men will always tell you in the first 30 minutes of knowing you, what they are all about. If we miss the signs I can guarantee you that we will pay the price in the long run.

Now, lets say for instance that you happen to be dating a guy that has an addiction. Having an addiction means that, he has a relationship with that addiction. His addiction is his best friend. His  addiction has became his most important priority and without it, he can't function. His brain craves the addiction. Addictions also come in pairs, where there is an addiction there is always some other ones clustered with it. In other words, addictions are also linked with sex, porn, compulsive masturbation, gambling, strip bars,  etc.

When a person becomes addicted to mind-altering drugs, it is because they are looking for some  validation and to also escape from pain. Pain that he or she is carrying from disappointments, frustrations, etc. A person with an addiction, is a person that doesn't want to face reality, the reality of the up and down of life. He or she wants to stay in their fantasy world where rejections doesn't really exist. The addiction gives to the person the impression of always being there for him/her when no one else is. The addiction became their companion. They both are pretty much facing the world together. Without the addiction, the person feels naked, no place to go, no place to be.

These types of people need a lot of attention, a lot of reassurance and lot of love. It is all about them. Now, you as a woman need to come to terms with it, if this is something you want for you. You see, a man under any type of addiction loses his rationality and he becomes more feelings centered. He wants to be taken care of, he wants you to be his savior, his mother, his lover, his best friend, etc. However they will not be there for you when you need them because they can't be. The guy you are dating is not the real person, he is not in his real mind set. He is helpless.
Women who date these types of men, are also damaging themselves. Nature didn't make women to be masculine and act as the protector of the relationship. Most women that are adopting this role, end up suffering some type of sickness. The body will show the signs sooner or later.

So what is the solution? There is a way to change the whole scenario, however you won't avoid the pain of going through the process. You can either confront your partner in a healthy way, however you will need to know how to do this or stay in the relationship until the pain to stay is bigger than the pain to leave. Whether you decide to stay or to leave in both cases the pain is guaranteed. I really never advise to leave the relationship, I always recommend for the people involved to work the conflict within the relationship. Remember, if your partner has an addiction and you are with him, you are probably codependent too. Being in a relationship with someone who has an addiction made them being dependable on your emotional support, something that can actually give you a sense of power to begin with. So my question to you will be, are you ready to make the right changes to break the cycle you are in? Take time to think about it, because it is not an easy task to do. I can guarantee you, that as you make the proper changes, he will have to grow with you or the relationship will dissolve by itself.

You see, the guy you have got as I said before is not the real him. So if he cleans up his act you might not even like who he really is. At the same time, it might even happen to him too. So again, think about what is it that you want or don't want and take some positive action.

If you want to learn how to confront your partner in a healthy way, I can help you. Private consultations are now available on Skype and remember " Knowledge is Power "

Love you all.

elenaburnettcoach@gmail.com
https://www.facebook.com/Elenaburnettcoach

When Things Move Too Fast.

How many times have you started dating a guy you really like and suddenly everything starts going too fast? How do you know when it's time to slow things down?

Men come in different styles. There are men who likes to hunt and men who want to be hunted. They both are acceptable, it is just a matter of what feel right for you. Today I am going to talk about the guys that want to go after what they want. This type of man operates from their masculine side. They want to lead, they want to control, they want to conquer and compete. A man like this likes to take risks. He sees something he likes and he goes after it. They know that in order to get their needs met, in order to gratify themselves, they will have to act really quickly with women. You see, men can also be emotional when it comes to romance and the reason why is because in order to avoid getting hurt by being rejected, a man in his masculine energy will first see a woman as a sex object if what he wants is to just get laid. He knows that by doing this, he will have to act out as fast as possible to get his way. The faster he gets to convince her of his interest by telling her all the things he would do for her,  the easier the chance for him to score. If he misses the chance to act quickly, he knows he will have to face rejection - something men are not good at dealing with.

Women in general, especially young one, need to understand that men are performers by nature. They see everything as a big competition and their bodies are made to penetrate things, it is not that they mean bad to us. It is just that they can't help it. It is a woman's job to elevate a man's consciousness from his instinctive nature to his spiritual level. Most men are not as in touch with their bodies as women are. For a man, their bodies are an instrument they use to fulfill some needs. When they are hungry they eat, when they are tired they sleep and when they want to release stress, they have sex. Nothing more.
If what you want as a woman is to make love and also have sex with a man, you will need to learn how to put on breaks, when he comes too fast on you. If you don't stop him he will run the show as he pleases and then leave you with empty hands.

A couple of things you could do when he starts playing his cards with you, meaning coming on too strong. Let's say for instance that you went on a date with a guy and right after, he starts texting you with consistency. What could you do about it? I always recommend to answer his text, just to be respectful. However, if he keeps pushing his way, don't just keep playing his game. Just breathe and let 3 days go by. Let the excitement he has created in you go down, so you can think with your head instead of reacting from your emotions. Remember, when it comes to romance you need to control your emotions  so he can't see your weakness. When a man is trying to create a reaction in you, he is just looking to see how to get you wrapped around his finger. If he gets his way first before you get to elevate his consciousness the game is over. He wins.

One thing I have learned about men is that they will never between them reveal anything that might be used against them in the future. They will not talk about their personal stuff or pain if it is not with a much older man who can act as a mentor. With that in mind, it is important that women remember to keep their emotions in place, in order not to reveal their weak points to a man when he is playing games with you. I am not saying not to be vulnerable, I am not encouraging that, however what I do recommend is for you to be rational when he is trying to make you his sex object.

Talk to you soon and remember " Knowledge is Power".

For Private Consultation about your Dating or Relationship Issues, email me at elenaburnettcoach@gmail.com or visit me athttps://www.facebook.com/Elenaburnettcoach
 http://www.youtube.com/702Elena 

How To Deal With Your Partner's Infidelity

I know how difficult this subject can be and how hard it is to face the fact that your partner might be a cheater.

According to David Buss, Ph. D. there are two types of personalities who usually stray, the narcissistic type and the low conscientiousness type. They both lack empathy for people's pain.
A narcissistic person is someone that only cares about himself and doesn't take responsibility for his actions. They can be very seductive and charming at times and they are always fishing for complements.  Often they exaggerate their accomplishments and talents. Narcissistic people do get married, however their way of being doesn't ever change.
A low conscientiousness person is characterized by traits such as unreliability, carelessness, disorganization, laziness and lack of self control.  It is very possible that you might be dealing with one of these two types of personalities.

Now going back to the question of how to deal with infidelity, the first thing to be aware of is that it is possible that if you catch your partner cheating one time,  he probably did it before.

You can do two things to stop the situation from escalating. If you happen to be married and he is the provider, you will need to either confront him in a healthy way or stay and pretend nothing is really wrong.
If you chose to stay you are pretty much accepting the situation and saying that it is ok. Maybe his status or position is more important to you than his extra marital sexual life. If on the contrary his behavior is not acceptable to you then you will need to confront him in a healthy way.  Here are a couples of things you must do.

You need to communicate with him what you are about to do (more on that in a minute). It is important that you let him know about the changes you will make in order to protect yourself if he doesn't correct the situation. Tell him you won't be there for him anymore and for the next two months you will be dating around too. Tell him after that period of time if he still hasn't changed you will then proceed with the divorce.

Now if you want to learn the 8 secret's steps to have him come around. 
Contact Elena for more information at https://www.facebook.com/Elenaburnettcoach
http://www.youtube.com/702Elena .

For Private Consultation about your Relationship and / or Dating Issues,  email me at elenaburnettcoach@gmail.com

See you soon :)