4 Ways In Which To Deal With Your Guy's Short Coming?

When we talk about men and women in relationships we are talking about energy, both having feminine and masculine aspects within themselves. In every relationship then, there are four distinct sides interacting.  Some men are more comfortable in their creative, feeling side and others, more comfortable in their logical, rational side.  No matter which energy you happen to gravitate towards, they are both acceptable as long as you are clear in which you is doing the mating. These energies are not based in gender or sexual proclivity.  Just because a man is more comfortable being in his passive, feminine side doesn't make him gay.

You can also find men who fluctuate back and forth between being very creative and very logical.   This group is called the "Alpha ". They think and feel at the same time. Any of these three type of men I have mentioned above are all perfectly fine and acceptable. The point is that you as a woman will need to know what type of man it is that you are dealing with. The more your energy compliments your partner's, the better chance you have to avoid unnecessary conflict.

In the States for example, we can easily find more "Beta" men than we will find in countries as Spain, Italy or Greece where men are born more alpha.

Let me go one step back and explain what an alpha or beta person is. An alpha man is a man who will feel and think as he wishes. He will play both roles depending on the situation.
A beta man is a man who will either be only in his feeling mind or be only logical mind. He is just one track and lacks the ability to freely go back and forth. We find this type of men in the Anglo-Saxon culture.

The men I am going to talk about today are the men who are overly masculine in their energy. However, I want to make clear that being in your masculine side doesn't make you more of a man. It can actually making you more rigid, stubborn and hard to deal with. When a man is not really balanced within his two energies, meaning the feminine and masculine aspect of his essence, he can be very short in his approach. If you are dating or are in a relationship with this type of men, you will need to know a couple of things about him so you can better deal with his personality.

The 4 Signs To Look For.

a) He Just Wants To Be Right,
A man in his masculine energy will not accept your comments or suggestions. He just wants you to be passive and listen to him. Let him get his point across and then move on. If you don't move on, he will keep escalating.

b) Understand and Validate His Frustration,
If you can just agree with what he is feeling, he will probably let it go and move on.

c) He Becomes To Difficult To Talk To,

Leave him alone to deal with his moods. Don't engage, just go for a 30 minute walk. That will do.

d) Don't Take It Personal,
If he is not being disrespectful with you, don't take on his problems and make them yours.

You don't need to be a doormat when he becomes competitive nor do you need to match his level of competition.  All you need to do is to let him come down on his own.  If you choose to face him, you will feed him and he will have the perfect excuse to keep going on. Understand that at the moment he becomes difficult he is not in his mind.  Rather he is just feeling his feeling, then reacting and then thinking instead of feeling his feeling, then thinking what he wants or doesn't want and then responding.

If he has a 51% worth to you even on a bad day, keep him. Love doesn't come easy. Think if you can accept his behavior today or if you would rather reject it. However, don't tolerate.  Don't go back and forth between accepting and rejecting him.  Make up your mind.  If you ruminate on your decision you will release cortisol in your system and damage yourself.

These 4 steps are easy to follow and are just some of the things you can do to avoid confronting your partner. If you want to learn how to express yourself in a non-threatening way and coming to terms with what you are willing to accept or reject about his behavior, I can show you the way.

For Private Consultation Please email me at www.elenaburnettcoach@gmail.com.
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3 Signs to Detect When He is Being Too Controling?

Ok so lets face it, men in general can be very controlling. I know for some women, this can be very annoying. However even if as a woman, you would like to adopt the feminine role in the relationship (which means you will decide to be passive, vulnerable and receptive), there are things about men that can be acceptable to put up with and some that need to be renegotiated with them.

First I would like to explain why men like to control and how they do it. Then I will share with you when enough is enough - when he is becoming too controlling. 

Let's go back to the question of why men love to be in control of their environment. Well, the truth is, that most men think of themselves as always being right, as always having the best approach in life, as always doing things right. However, when two men are having a conversation, they don't usually interrupt each other because that means that a change in the conversation is required, which is not their objective. Men like to listen to each other so they can hear the weak point of his opponent. For a man, there is not such a thing as a conversation because they see everything as one big competition.

However, men will interrupt women when they talk, for just one reason - to control the conversation. It is really hard for a woman to talk to a man or have a conversation with them without feeling frustrated. Most men are usually trying to fix or solve something we might have said. When we women talk, we just want our partners's ears to listen to our concern, without having him try to control or solve our issues. We women are just looking to release our stress by talking out loud.

Men can also be very protective of those they love and can show they care for us in a bit of a negative way, in my opinion. They sometimes don't even take into consideration our point of view to start with.

When a man gets to the point that he is taking over your existence, in other words you feel that you are losing your identity because things are only done his way, then don't wait for the situation to escalate. Don't confront him either. Wait for the right moment, to let him know in a respectful way that even though he has the right to be himself, you don't appreciate his behavior. Be specific with your concern, get to the point and don't become emotional about it. Don't nag either.

So here is the signs you need to look for, when he is being too controlling. 

1. You have lost your identity around him.

He decides everything for the two of you.

2. Conversations between the two of you only happen when he decides he wants to share things.

He is not willing to listen to your pain or to your worries, etc. He wants you to remain in silence around him.

3. He wants you to be available for him at all time.

Forget if you have needs too. It is all about him.

Remember one thing girls, I don't think there is anything wrong with a man being controlling since that is their nature, what I think is wrong is when you lose yourself just to make him happy. When you stop being you, to become him, it is just not appealing for a man. You don't need to fight, you don't have be disrespectful with him either. However, the point is to be clear as a woman what your needs are first so you don't need to justify why your situation got out of hand. A relationship is the totality of two individuals with their own autonomy that have decided to become a team, where they are both growing together through the adversity of life. 

To book a Private Consultation about you relationship or dating issues. Email me at elenaburnettcoach@gmail.com or visit me at
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10 Signs You’ve Found “The One”

Can we really find "The One"? How do we know if he or she is "The One"?

Here is a little history about my past (you might find it a little sad, however there is a reason I talk about it). So let me first tell you very quickly what happened to me when I found "The One".

Long ago, back in '96, I was living in Miami. I had just moved there after having lost my boyfriend a year ago in Madrid. He was a beautiful, smart Norwegian man. He was working and living in Madrid when we met. After a year and half together I've found out he had cancer and how little time he had in his hands. I helped him return to Oslo, since the doctors in Madrid couldn't do much for him any more. A few days later I took an airplane to see him again, I knew that was the last chance for us. A week later I got the call from his father. My love had just passed away and with him, he took my heart. Because of him I left Spain, I left my job, I left my past and I landed in Miami.

In Miami I was looking for him in every single man I came across. I was really lonely and in pain, not sure what to do or how to do it. Time went by and I was still really hurt, I didn't have much hope for the future or even to find love again. And then, bingo...! It happened again. The things I once saw in my lovely lost boyfriend, were now given to me again. I saw a young Frenchman and fell for him right away. The question was, what was it, that I was really feeling?  At that moment, I knew how possible it was to find "The One" in another eyes, in another men. This new person made me feel alive again. I also felt that I did find  "The One " one more time.

According to Dr Pat Allen we get to find a " Soul Mate " every 10 years. However, it doesn't always happen to all of us.

So, the reason I have shared my story is to get you to understand that "The One" might be around at any corner. Love might present itself to you many times, it might make you feel like you have never experienced it before. On the contrary, you might not have the chance to meet love more than once or maybe you have never met it (I hope this is not the case). In my own experience, I have found love two more times after the Frenchman. They all were so different from each other and so rich too.

Because I was lucky enough to have met "The One" on several occasions, I would like to share with you, what they have taught me and what these experiences have shown me.
What were the signs which showed me that they were  "The One".

1. Butterflies In My Stomach.
I had a feeling in my stomach - kind of a mix between ecstasy and pain, both happening at the same time. He also had it.

2. A Sense of Knowing The Person.
We shared the feeling of being at home when in each other's presence.

3. I Was Afraid Of Losing Control.
I felt lost in his company, no control of my emotions, he also felt it.

4. I Could't Function Without Him.
I could't eat, I couldn't work, I couldn't be me. I was in nirvana.

5. Our Energies Matched and Blended Easily.
I felt we were born to be together.

6. Their Wasn't Any Type Of Game Between Us.
There was just honesty of heart.

7. There Wasn't An Agenda Between Us Either.
Everything just fit together perfectly.

8. I Could Accept Him Exactly As He Was.
I was totally surrendered to his whole person. My love was totally unconditional.

9. I Could't Get Him Out Of My Heart.
Not matter how many times you find "The One" a piece of them stays with you.

10. I Didn't Need Any Promises From Him.
I have learned that the more you try to find security the less you have it. I didn't need him to promise me the moon. I had already touched it with him.

To book a Private Consultation about your Relationship or Dating issue, Please email me at elenaburnettcoach@gmail.com or visit us at www.elenaburnett.com
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The 3 Basic Elements For A Long Term Relationship

Relationships as we all know are not easy, they require a lot of work, a lot of patience and a big dose of understanding. To develop a healthy relationship, you need to surpass the many conflicts you will encounter with your partner. Some people get discouraged in the process, some others give up to soon and others just move on to the next person. Whatever direction you might choose, know that many of the conflicts you have experienced with your lover, could have been avoided to start with.

I lot of the mistakes I have made in my romantic life, were made because I didn't have enough information to know the difference between what was good or bad for me. I also didn't know what I was supposed to look for in a partner. Finally, I understand, in my own skin, what makes for a great healthy relationship between two people. Usually when we meet someone new, it is very easy to get caught up in the excitement of the moment. We feel as if what we are experiencing is going to always last, so we don't quite pay attention to the signs around us. These signs are what will determine whether or not you are a good match for each other.

If you want to really discover if your lover is the person to keep for the long run, here are the 3 basic elements you need to look for.

1. Chemistry.

Chemistry is an exchange of DNA that is activated when in the company of someone that happens to have a smell or essence that seems familiar to us. We have zero control over it. This is something, that is given to us by the Universe. The degree of the chemistry we might feel for someone may increase or decrease on the first encounters. It doesn't really take us that long to figure it out.

2. Compatibility.

Compatibly is when two people live in the same city, so they have time to experience each other in different atmospheres. Being compatible with someone, doesn't necessarily mean that you need to have the same taste for life as he does. It doesn't mean that you have to like the same things either, since you both are supposed to be different. Compatibly of character is more about finding something that you both like to do in each other's company. Let say for instance, that you both like pets, that you both love expending time with animals. Then you know that the love for pets you both have, will be one of the reasons for you to remember when difficulties in the relationship appears. The love for pets that you both have is one reason that keeps you together. If you can find more than one thing that you both share then even better.

3. Communication.

Communication is an essential part in relationships in order to keep growing together.
To Communicate effectively with your partner, is a matter of being able to express the things we want or don't want without seducing them or intimidating them into doing things our way. Communication is about understanding the other side of the coin and at the same time be able to come up to a middle ground. Communication is about being able to sacrifice for the relationship and prioritize things based on what really needs your attention in that precise moment. If you are finding yourself fighting a lot with your partner, you are not communicating with him/her in the correct way.

In a relationship you can easily have a great chemistry and be really compatible with someone but if you haven't worked out the communication part, your relationship will eventually dissolve. Your relationship won't be able to deal with the differences between the two of you. A great relationship is a combination of chemistry, compatibility and communication. Chemistry is lust, a body to body connection. Compatibility is when you like the other person, when you like the way they think, the way they are. Communication is love. When there is love between the two of you, you are willing to do your part, you are willing to do your 50% correctly. You are willing to communicate the things you want or don't want in a healthy way.

If you have chemistry and are compatible you are going to have a lot of fun together.
If you are compatible and have communication you make great friends.
If you have communication and chemistry but are not compatible, you are not going anywhere.
If you are compatible, have chemistry and communication it is a good chance for the relationship to survive in the long run.
So, ask yourself what elements do you really have in your relationship? If you take the chemistry aside, do you still have love, do you still like your honey?

Note: Some of these information is based on the Doctoral of Pat Allen (The American renown Expert in Relationship and Dating Issues and Mentor).

If you want to learn how to communicate efficiently with your partner for a better lasting relationship, I can help you. I am a certified as Educator in Communication Strategies specialist in Relationship and Dating Issues.

The 5 Things a Man Really Needs From His Woman.

I have been in a relationship for 13 years and in the process we have gone through a lot. I had to learn in the years together, what was important for my partner and how to be there for him in the way he needs. We had a lot of arguments but we always worked things out. There were many times I tried to leave him, thinking that maybe I could get a better guy or maybe he wasn't that special after all. I am  happy to say that he is still in my life, he is like a rock in the relationship, he gives me a lot of support and he can also be my worst enemy at times. I take the good and bad and I thank him for all he has taught me, for all he keeps teaching me with just his presence. Because of him and the many men I have worked very closed with in the past 20 years, I have come up with a short list of the 5 major things men in general really need from their women.

I hope you find them of interest and can apply them in your relationship to create a better team.

Here is what most men need from their women

1. They need you not to be a doormat.
Don't subordinate yourself to him just to make him happy, he will see your behavior as emotionally dependent on him to reciprocate back. He will feel pressure and will not open up to you.

2. They don't deal well with demands.
When a man hears a demand, he hears you being emotional and out of control. He just wants to run from you. You will only get the worst of him in those moments.

3. They will not accept your bossiness.
Men in general don't deal well with orders, they see it as if you are trying to take advantage of them or as if you are trying to break them down. It is definitely not the best approach if you want to keep him around.

4. They need some moments of privacy.
Men need a partner who can let them be moody when they need it, complain when they feel like it and have privacy when he wants it, without having their partner making it about themselves. A woman who can understand his emotional needs without seeing his struggle as a rejection of her, will have him eating out of her hands.

5. They want you to be mysterious and elusive.
A man will go the extra mile for a woman who is emotionally independent but also giving when needed. Men are intrigued by mysterious women, a woman who they don't really know everything about or they are not quite sure how will she react at times.


For more information about my work of for a private consultation about your relationship and dating issues, please email me at elenaburnettcoach@gmail.com or visit me at
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www.elenaburnett.com

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7 Signs He's Just A Booty Call.

How many times have you thought you have finally found Prince Charming and how many other times have you realized he was just not that into you? In the many mistakes I have made in my dating life,  I can tell you one thing, most of them could have been avoided. The signs were always really visible but for whatever reason (I think I was so desperate to find love, so desperate to make it right, that I would fantasize about romance and make up things in my mind about the guy), I was going to later find out that he was just using me.

If you want to get some control of your emotions and allow yourself to see thing for what they are, here is seven signs that will help detect when he is just using you.

1. He makes plans with you at the last minute. 
I understand that being spontaneous can be a lot of fun, however it can create a lot of chaos. If he was really interested in seeing you he would have planned ahead with you.

2. He only wants to see you in private.
Forget about going out in public places, he is too busy to do that with you.

3. He calls you late at night to come over.
He will play the sweet drunk guy and call you late in the night to play his luck.

4. You will hear from him once in a while. 
He will call you or text you when it is convenient for him. He will call you when he is in the area passing by.

5. He will lie about a possible future.
To get you keep on giving yourself to him, he will promise you a thousand things but he won't deliver.

I personally have gone through all these 5 signs with some men in my past. It took me time to realize what the whole thing was all about and how little I loved myself. Today I can finally laugh about it.

For a Private Consultation about your relationship and dating issues email me at elenaburnettcoach@gmail.com ,
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Elena Burnett
Relationship Coaching/ Expert For Women.

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10 Reasons For Not Having An Affair With a Married Man

I had a dream last night with a beautiful stranger with whom I had a great connection. The truth is that it feels so real that for a moment I thought I was having an affair. It took me 30 minutes to realize what was going on!

This dream actually took me back to 6 years ago, to a time when I had an affair. I had a partner (the same one I have today), however I never thought it was an affair. The truth is that myself and the other man both had a life apart from each other - we both were in very serious long term relationships. 

This new person was younger than me, much younger. I won't give a lot of details about him for respect of his privacy. The affair didn't really last but the damage did and when he left I had to deal with the mess...
I don't regret any mistakes i have made in my past. Things happen for a reason. Today, I will think twice before putting myself in a situation like that again. It is just not worth it.

Because of my own experiences, studies and research, I decided to share with you 10 reasons I have found for NOT putting yourself in the same situation I did.

1. He will just move on.
An affair doesn't mean as much for a man at it does for a woman.

2. He will keep you a secret.
To protect himself from being caught, he will make sure not to have any proof of your existence.

3. He won't take you in public.
In case someone sees him.

4. He will make you feel like a princess.
Just to get laid.

5. He will brag about you as if you were a trophy.
To boost his self esteem and make him look good around his friends.

6. He will make no promises even though he did work hard to seduce you.
He will play the cool guy, as if nothing has really happen.

7. He will try to buy you, in order to keep you quiet. 
You might hear a phrases like "Is there anything i can do for you?". Really??? After having played with my feelings, that is all you can do. That is a good one.

8. He will tell you all the things you want to hear.
He will talk a lot about feelings however his actions will not follow.

9. He will go back to his partner as if nothing happen.
You will be just a flame for him. Nothing more.

10. He will never contact you again.
Only if he is in town and he has nothing more to do.

If you are still thinking about having an affair after reading my 10 reasons for not doing it,  think twice - it is not worth it. What you have with your partner, this new person will never be able to offer you. The new person, is just that... new, unknown, exciting. Sooner of later the flame will dissipate in him.  Don't waste your time, don't put your heart in a situation that is not going anywhere. Don't let him seduce you to get his needs meet.


For Private Consultation about your relationship or dating issues, please email me at elenaburnettcoach@gmail.com
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