Relationships as we all know are not easy, that is a fact, however, lets be realistic about what we should or shouldn't expect from our love one. Here is a couple of questions for you to think about.
Does this alleged perfect relationship exist in real life or does it only reside in urban legend? Who doesnʼt dream of finding that wonderful perfect soul mate that has all the requirements to make us feel complete and whole and loved and needed?
Who doesnʼt wonder if such a person only exists in fantasies and fairy tales? More profoundly, does another human being actually have the power to create the perfect ambiance for us to feel safe and secure and whatever else our soul is looking for? Well, for starters, no relationship is actually ʻperfectʼ, regardless of our projections as we walk down the street by ourselves and everywhere we look we see perfect couples in love like some kind of cruel Valentineʼs Day joke (the grass is always greener, right?).
However, ʻperfectionʼ in and of itself is nothing more than an illusion of the mind. Relationships generally look wonderful at the beginning, just until we get comfortable enough to show our true selves, that is our moods, short comings, fears, worries, frustrations, anxieties, and everything else that makes us human.
So then what is a ʻperfect relationshipʼ in the real world? Itʼs a relationship in which both partners have evolved past the pain and struggling of trying to turn our significant other into the “perfect“ human being (mostly while we do NO work on ourselves!) It comes about when we finally surrender to the idea of wanting to change the other person. That is to say, when we finally accept that which heretofore had been wholly unacceptable. In this moment there is a Zen-like bliss where acceptance of imperfections, both real and perceived, pass - nay surrender - to the need to control that which is outside ourselves.
Easier said than done. For if your partnerʼs faults literally make you sick or turned off then you must leave. For your own health and sanity you must make haste and vacate the love nest. Their faults (as yours also) are just a fragment of who they are as a person. Their shortcomings are just another aspect of another broken part in them and they are not alone in this as the same can be said of each and every one of us. These shortcomings of course are not the whole person, but if it proves impossible to come to terms with these character deficits, or even discuss them and find amutually beneficial solution to them, then you must move on. Give yourselves space and agree to part amicably, with neither person taking things (too) personally.
My closing suggestion is to consider whether or not, on a bad day, your significant other carries not less than a fifty percent value to you. If thatʼs the case in the worst of times, keep them. One of the biggest problems in relationships these days is that people give up on their partners too soon. However, what nobody seems to understand is that the intrinsic nature of relationships is similar to that of the roller coaster: full of ups and downs and twists and turns. In many cases it is possible to fail out of love but if you stay long enough and ride these cycles through, all the while setting better and healthier boundaries, you might just surprise yourself as to how things turn out. Nothing truly worthy comes easily and everything requires hard work filled with frustration and disappointment. But if you stay the course you might just ʻstumble ontoʼ the Perfect Relationship!
For a private consultation about your relationship or dating situation, email me at elenaburnettcoach@gmail.com or visit me at www.elenaburnett.com
